congratulations. my sore throat has officially evolved into some form of illness that mutes me.
can't talk now, and was feeling damn rotten in the morning when i woke up. think i took quite a while to force myself to get up and cook porridge for myself, sadly.
was so unstable when i was cooking, so i kept going off the sit down every time after i added some ingredients. you know, just in case i fall and my face falls flat onto the stove. hahaha.
my fever is down though, but still feels so weak. and sadly no one will be kind enough to get me some food or strepsils. so i would have to get up and go down later.
and i absolutely did not forget and am not angry with you! hahahaha.
was rather flattered knowing that you were waiting for me to wish you happy birthday! hehs. this friendship has been rather amazing over the years, sharing our everlasting love for green from literature classes back when we were fifteen and till the random meet-ups every now and then!
just to let you know that on this very special day of yours, you gave me a present as well! our friendship. (((: thanks for being there for the many years that we've had, and the many more to come! can't wait to meet up next week.
P.S : i can't wait to attend your wedding you know. that's prolly when "your dog" meets the legendary Alfred in person.
and so i spent the night at the school's loft, with a lot of chaos, but here's a little sneak preview of the luxurious place where we stayed at.
and this is why LSCT in ngee ann polytechnic has lousy renovation, since the school invested all it's money in building five star quality hostels. ROOM ONE
the master bedroom that consists of a double decker bed, and a single bed. with a toilet.
hotel quality toilet, that goes along with hotel quality shower head. speaking of hotels, nostalgic memories of aisyah walking around the hostel when she first came in, blabbering away like some suan ku about the place being like a hotel. =.= ROOM TWO
smallest room, with two single beds.
annd a funky ceiling. i don't even have these at home. LIVING ROOM
big enough to be a dance studio, i'm serious okay.
freaking spacious and did i mention that there's an air conditioner in every room?
the kitchen, equipped with a microwave oven, fridge, and dining bar.
the balcony behind the kitchen, with a washing machine. ROOM THREE
another nice spacious room, equipped with abigail on one of the two single beds.
this was also where we spent our night of chaos in. it looks clean for now, but in the next upcoming post, i shall show you what went on in this room twelve hours before this photo was taken.
and then aisyah asked if i was emo-ing in post two hundred and sixty nine, when i was tipsy and blogging with a head full of grogginess. yes of course, how to not emo when the whole bunch went out to buy booze but returned with nothing.
i was left in the living room with two sleeping babi. for almost an hour. so the emo-ing came inevitably under the effects of the alcohol. hahaha.
let's hope abi sends me the photos soon! want to blog before i official get bedridden, since i'm burning 37 degrees now with an itchy throat. DD:
minds cafe dude says, "do these cards look the same?"
weisheng replies, "no."
i say, "nope."
AISYAH replies, "about."
no wait, allow me to rephrase that.
AISYAH exclaims, "I'M STUPID."
as you can see, today was a Saturday and i decided to go on a little escaping! hahaha, left early after the girls' lesson. and then went off to meet the crazy idiots. of whom, all were extremely late, despite constant reminders to me, telling me to be on time.
and so, it started off a little irritated, cause i'm always not happy when i have gastric.
and then we got down to Swensen's for the long-awaited ICE CREAM BUFFET! finally, finally able to go for my ice cream buffet since so long ago. so allow me to round up on a couple of stuff that we did.
we complained about a waiter, HAHA. okay fine, i complained about a waiter. and then the manager obviously thought of us as some pesky kids trying to fool around, which i was NOT. the waiter was supposedly the host for the queuing area, in which he had to be fairly polite and refreshing to the customers who are already kept on wait in line. HOWEVER, he was so darn rude and treated us like we were having some lucky draw. so there's a bad first impression of the restaurant already, isn't that poor waitering skills?!
shall not talk about it anymore. then we had a lot of ice cream, wasted a lot of cake and definitely played with the ice cream. talk about REGURGITATING everything, it will take ages. and having a sugar rush results in acting dumb, which explains all my videos of stupidity on facebook, credits to eugene lee zhao hui.
eugene's "ice cream", which i later had fun "blending" into a paste as though i worked at Sweet Talk.
Aisyah's baby food, filled will all that cereal stuff. AND SHE CAN STILL KEEP UP WITH THE COMPLAINING OF BEING FULL.
Weisheng's Princess Darling Dessert. HAHA! looks like cinderella.
and here's mine, the best and most delicious of all cause it's made by ME! lol.
and i stole Eugene's ez-link card by the way. HAAHAHHA! stupid can, drop on the floor and still didn't realized.
and.....we had an ugly doll before we eventually played ugly doll. HHAHAAH!
pffffftt. i look damn retarded. couldn't stop laughing from suggesting the idea that we take a photo with the Dole Pineapple Mascot. so hence, the red and retarded face plus the body that couldn't stand straight. and and and we helped this old lady who was lost!
directed her to Isetan at Shaw. felt damn nice and accomplished after that. like as though i did something damn good. and i seriously don't mind spending my whole day walking around finding lost old people and helping them find their way. cause, it makes me feel a little bit more like a human. hehs.
moving on.
we went off to MINDS! after eugene decided to PANGSEH.
so we headed off to minds where i had chunks of meat missing off from my hands thanks to aisyah's finger nails. we did a hell lot of dumb stuff there, including playing UGLY DOLLS! damn stupid game.
and the two of them were so dumb that they kept losing and doing forfeits, whilst i just sat back and relaxed.
but nevertheless, i decided to be nice and at the final game that we were playing, i lost and did a dumb forfeit. hahaha. but yeah. was a very very relaxing day despite the tension in the morning and the tension in the week.
damn worth it to spend every saturday like this. and we would cross paths at the bus stop, but no, you wouldn't even notice me.
the cyan shirt amidst the browns in the crowd, but your eyes only on someone who's long left you.
i can already imagine, bitch telling the girls to strut in with their eight inch heels. and i can start stressing out in cold sweat, praying hard that they do not fall while simply trying to stand up.
it's only in a matter of time before he does that, especially once he's done with ANTM Cycle 13 which by the way, is very interesting. i love Nicole and Rae, and i can't wait for tomorrow when episode four will be out!
speaking of which, the fashion industry has some unfounded obsession with the almost invisible blonde eyebrows. just saw another print from the SLVR Adidas catalogue.
something about having elusive eyebrows seems to attract the weirdos in the industry.
i know there are parasites all over our body, and that they are essential to our skin's health and stuff, but to see them take physical form is just disgusting please.
especially in the form of worms.
so i went online and did a research, this is called the Resdung Worm Treatment.
it's supposedly a malaysian traditional folk treatment for sinusitis, otherwise known as nasal sinus, or the nose thing. and the black stuff that the hand is wiping all over the two guys' face is actually ass fluid from cockroaches.
so you put the butt juice of the cockroach on your face and seduce the worms to come out and play.
"and then it starts snowing!"
i went to bathe and scrubbed my face thrice after watching this. so yeah, goosebumps on the loose right now.
boys acting dumb in front of the girlfriend is kind of dumb sometimes. it's like a sloth trying to tell a joke.
by the way, the show has this hidden message of how everyone has been trying to find that perfect other half all their life and never realized that he/she has always been right beside them all these while.
it's always how we see what we want, the way we want it, how we want it. but when it comes it always takes us by surprise, even when it leaves, we think its the biggest loss ever. cause embedded in our minds, we think that there's nothing else as perfect anymore.
which is cliche, but i like the humor in it all.
and when i got home, i realized that throughout the entire movie, katherine heigl was wearing white most of the time, even her bra and underwear, except for the black dress and the black vibrator underwear, plus the occasional turquoise top.
what's with the excessive amount of white tops and dresses?
anyway, as much as weisheng tries to escape embarrassment from hanging out with me, he just couldn't. especially with the beef maggie goreng incident. shall save him some face by not talking about it, but if you're interested, do ask me. :D
i fell asleep on the bench at the pool today with one leg bent up and the other lying down, so now i have two different shades on my thighs. do not request to see them.
but i'm rather glad it's the holidays now, at least i can do things that make my mind relax. and keep me at ease, as much as i try to avoid certain issues. i know running away is childish and dumb, but i would rather run away then to acknowledge it at all.
was talking to weisheng online regarding my meeting up with Eddie Ong Hon tomorrow for project discussion. i purposely typed his name in full so that he would be a busybody and google for his name, hence chance upon this post. i wonder if he would ask me to go swimming then. HAHAHA.
can you seriously find someone dumber than weisheng? like who goes swimming with their lecturers, it would be darn weird.just me, and my lecturer. in our swimwear in the pool, wet.
and what will we be talking about? hmmmm, maybe class attendance.
nevertheless, weisheng is already dumb enough to say,
"JOHNNY DEEP."
so what more can i say? i can't possibly complain anymore. HAHA!
anyway, i think i didn't blog about this so i shall mention this.
last week i went on an escapade. to little miss aisyah's house. and she broke her nail whilst trying to stop me from entering her room.
"so much for buying the pepper dog prata ah,
so you can scratch me like a cat with rabies."
which was funny cause, i don't know. it's just really plain dumb for letting people into your house when it's in a mess, especially when you know that the person's called Alfred.
anyways, Sunday was mum's birthday and so i decided to whip up dinner for the family. food was okay, but i think too long out of the kitchen leaves you rusty and i had a chopped thumb.
HAHA! not really, but i almost chopped my thumb off, if not for my nail lessening the danger. somemore i was chopping really quickly with the ginger.
but fret not, as there's no thumb-less fred. but part of my nail is gone. must start freshening my culinary skills soon.
everybody expects you to do something, to do the right thing.
everybody expects you to be someone, to be the right one.
everybody expects you to say something, to say the right thing.
but when all expectations fail, the disappointment is great.
the irony of it all, the irony of expecting something to be what you want it to be, but at the end of the day when you plan to leave it be, things just don't go your way.
life is not all about staging a performance and ending things with a lovely curtsy.
as much as the substance of it all is staged, what goes on stage often happens to take even the actors and actresses by surprise.
and even the way the playwright ends, is so often very much dramatic itself.
when you make people the top priority of your life, you take up your own time.
your timetable would be filled up with their life and not yours. and it's kind of stupid to do so as most of the time, you wind up as an option to them.
you would be on the person's list of who to call for borrowing a listening ear, who to call for gaining consolation, who to call for fun and laughter, and many things else.
the thing is, you allow that someone become a definition of something in your life, but on the other hand to them you are simply part of a multiple choice question.
no wonder so many people are adamant on the statement of "friends coming and going like wind".
and friends are wind, even if you breathe them in and try to savor the freshness of it all, you will still have to let it out. be it with a sigh, or a resignation to the facts.
many of you would call me stupid for acknowledging such a fact, but deep down inside, i'm sure all of you just refuse to face the music just like how i would.
that's people, part of a delusion in their own fairytale.
do i continue daydreaming, or maybe it's time to wake up?
spent the afternoon with bah zhang today! and i'm sure alot of you would be wondering why bah zhang and not kueh zhang or nonya zhang, but really when she was first born, she was so chubby that bah zhang instantaneously came to my mind.
so with my darling little niece strapped to my belly, there was a whole lot of attention gathered whilst at the mall carrying a baby and walking around. went down to the ATM machine and she snatched my receipt and ate half of it when i was keeping my money.
this girl has attitude man, every time we walked past a certain shop that she is interested in taking a few more glance, she grabs my hand with her tiny little hands and dig in a pinch. and if i continue walking, she would tag at my flesh held hostage in her hand. talk about reversed pedophilia.
after that i took her to my secret hide-out!
"where are we going?"
"climb so high up for what..."
"can we go home now?"
and so we took the lift, and we ran into a couple with their toddler as well. and the mother says to the boy,
"say hello to mei mei!"
and the boy shouts,
"MEI MEI!"
after a while, the mother says,
"say hello to uncle!"
"UNCLE UNCLE UNCLE!"
this is like deja vu, but i think i should prolly get used to it. at least this time i wasn't asked if Merisse was my daughter.
i was planning to blog about this a few days back but just really didn't have the time. HAHA! and seeing that i won't be home today, i better blog about this before i leave house. hehs.
it's kind of sad really, but i was really touched by what i encountered.
i took a cab the other day and the driver was this really nice and polite dude, and amazingly, he was really young as well. somewhere round his mid-twenties?
when i asked about his choice of profession his said,
"cause my mother has cancer,
so i need a job that allows me to go to her any time any where."
as we continued our conversation, he very gingerly says that,
"you know it's the end, the disease itself marks an end.
we just know that the end is in a matter of a time,
but we don't know when."
everyday we live our lives as per normal, we make friends we talk we become closer.
everyday we go home to the same loved ones and indulge in the joy of family.
but everyday we don't tell them how important they are to us.
everyday we make choices, some of us regret while others choose not to look back even though the regret is so strong that it takes away our soul. but really, do we want to die with regrets?
any time, any where.
i can leave the house and the next minute i collapse, maybe because of a car accident or maybe because of a cardiac arrest. the thing is, we are all going to die someday. it's just a matter of when and the matter of how, does it really matter?
if we know we were going to die, in a way it allows us to cherish the people around us whilst we can. if we don't know that we were going to die, will we still cherish the people around us?
the incidents in life often takes us by surprise, but life itself is already a surprise.
as expected, being the only one left consequences in more "responsibilities".
i would not exactly say that i am being trusted since after all, i'm really just being given the "opportunity" because there's no one else to give it to, but really it only stresses me more.
the problem being that just because i'm the only one left, i'm suddenly thrown off to handle a class on my own. which is, ridunkulous.
and just when things couldn't get bad enough, there is no scapegoat for me to keep to my escape plan.
i told myself that i would get away once another course is over, when wilson has a suitable helper to assist him. but how to now when in the next two courses, i would be considered the most help that he can gather.
i'm really very weak, every week i'm told i'm weak. and now i'm so weak that i can't even firm up to walk right of the place.
i don't have the people to talk to, to rant to about my frustrations, to bitch to about the things that i find idiotic. i don't have the voice that consoles me when i'm hit, to tell me that i'm not alone mentally. and now at the looks of it, i may have to endure a whooping five months of this alone.
well, if i look on the bright side, week one has just ended. a round of applause for that.
don't be fooled people, pimples can never be this cute. and i can never understand why that's supposedly a pimple plushie.
but yes, the annoying pimple has attacked. and this time it's not on the face.
i recall a classmate talking about her pimple on her boobs back when we were in secondary school, and boy was that one ridiculous place to harvest pimples. and no, i do not have a pimple on my boobs and no, i do not have boobs as well. not even man boobs since i look like a sugar cane.
let's not digress, shall we?
and so, in case you were wondering, no i do not have a pimple on my ear lobe, again.
but instead i have this pimple on my scalp.
yes, my scalp. and apparently it gives me poor memory. cause everytime i'm in the showers shampooing my head, i will tell myself,
"i'd better blog about this."
but everytime i step out of the showers, i forget. seems like this pimple enjoys jolting my memory using pain, in the showers.
but no, i'm not wet now neither do i have shampoo on my head. i simply wrote a post-it and pasted it on my laptop screen to remind myself.
let's hope the pimple goes away. in the first place it's ridiculous for it to appear when i shampoo my head more than twice a day. nevermind that.
now, when this pimple is gone, will it leave a scar on my scalp?
To kill a mockingbird Is to silence the song That seduces you Why? Cause you need that desire in your heart to survive And you need that burning fire in your soul to know You're still alive So catch me when I fall Or did I dive at your delight?
In my heart I can fly And I cannot disguise my love There is no time And I wouldn't know how Constellations tonight Are so fiercesomely bright, my love I have no fear I am Atticus now
Remember what I lost like hot coals in my hand from days gone by Like Pandora adored the euphoria as her heart raced Like love lost you've got to try even in vain Feels like you'll go insane But you're hardest instrument that I've ever had to play
[ Noisettes Lyrics are found on www.songlyrics.com ] In my heart I can fly And I cannot disguise my love There is no time And I wouldn't know how to Constellations tonight Are so fiercesomely bright, my love I have no fear I am Atticus now
So why don't we fall into the waves? Can't you see how my heart yearns to misbehave?
In my heart I can fly And I cannot disguise my love There is no time to And I wouldn't know how Constellations tonight Are so fiercesomely bright, my love I have no fear left Cause I am Atticus now
So why don't we fall into the waves? Can't you see how my heart yearns to misbehave?
anyways, new play list! hope you guys like it, cause i LOVE it.
and so, in an attempt to make sure that my tuition kids go less of the profanity and more of the manners, i told them to talk politely to each other.
and so the older brother told the younger brother,
"Please go and die."
well, you've got to admit that it was polite. and when i look at them, i just think,
"at least i've got something to start off with."
anyways, it's either i spend my evenings or my afternoons looking out at the skies at my hide-out, but it's kind of like a daily hobby now. you would look at the clouds drift by and just come up with some realization of how life should be and should never have been.
i have got my ZEN. hahah.
anyway, i think it was sad of the graduate who died in the school laboratory of Yale. first of all, to be murder one week before your wedding is just, unbelievable. and then to be buried behind the school walls? talk about making sure someone was committed to their work.
but really, i hope the murderer gets apprehended soon.
why love someone with sadness and not happiness, even though it's never meant to be? the feeling of when you fall in love, is definitely not sad. and loving someone is definitely not a sad thing either.
when we love someone, we smile naturally just around them and we just want them to be happy. even if it kills us to not be with them, we should be happy because we're in love. because, we will never know when it's going to be the last time we feel like that again. because each time we fall in love, it always always feel special.
after spending two consecutive afternoons sitting alone on the thirtieth floor, i have reached my conclusion.
i've decided to smile and be happy about things. after all, it's really too selfish of me to disappear and go on some "self-discovery journey" when the people around me needs me more than i need myself?
so, i'm going to keep smiling and stay happy and channel this happiness into the sadness of the ones around me. (:
if i want to help people, to bring smiles to the ones i love then obviously i would have to channel more positive energy from myself to do so! if you're sad then you're just going to make things sadder what right?
even th0ugh i know that i'm walking into a dead end for falling for somebody who would never ever be with me, i'm happy just to know that i've fallen in love for that particular person. falling in love is just plain happiness.
so yes, i'm going to stay happy and all smiles so that i can bring back that smile on you even if it's going to be a tough road ahead. in the meantime, i'm going to blog about more nonsensical issues and possibly bring out the smiles in more people through my blondeness. let's start with one,
"Why can't the leopard go into hiding?"
cause they're always spotted!
lame, yes. but it's a start.
so start smiling today people, cause you will never know when's the last time you will get the chance to smile or be happy that you are in love.
so to hell with the screw shit in life, to hell with the disappointments every saturday, cause i'm going to fucking smile and make life more meaningful for others.
it's really only when you're living, that you are alive.
and so, i woke up this noon to hear my bloody brother accusing me to my dad about me misplacing the tv remote on HIS OWN BLOODY BED, when i have been in bed all morning.
and i wasn't even home the whole of yesterday so when did i ever watched tv, or even bothered to misplace the remote.
"and excuse me,
my bed is obviously a BETTER SPOT
to misplace the remote if i was last using it."
and then my dad's phone rings. and he went around asking who's phone was it that was ringing. and my blooody hell smart ass brother decided to say it was my phone. and my dad came in to yell at me for not picking up "my phone" when i was smsing with my own phone.
i was pissed. i was annoyed. i didn't sleep the whole night, and i had to lie in bed under the glare of the sun and allow witness to my ears of such dim-witted events.
dialed a handful of numbers on my phone and none of them were free, nor did the rest picked up.
left my asylum of a house on the double before the mad people eventually influenced my insanity. and then i sat at my hiding spot on the thirtieth floor for two hours, staring out at the skies and feeling the wind breeze across my face.
had a hair cut after that and now i'm home for a short twenty minutes to blog and bathe before i get the hell out again.
today has been a bad day since morning. and when i say bad, i mean badly bad-ish bad kind of bad. so much scoldings and shootings.
and i know i was told to not let it get to me, but STILLLLLLLL. i just don't like the feeling of getting reprimanded for trying to do my job well or trying to sort things out.
grrrr. i'm still damn pissed cause we didn't kept asking you to sort things out for us! Bitch was the one who kept going to you every single time he couldn't handle the problem and ended up i was the one being mentioned and reprimanded. like seriously, if i could i would have had a nice talk with her, but with all due respect it was Bitch who wanted to settle things but couldn't. and i had to become his scapegoat?
and what's wrong with walking away and settling other stuffs since you, Bitch and Aunty are already there talking to her?! if i was to sit there and try to help, does it not contradict your comment of "too many cooks spoil the soup?". and don't forget, it was not until blondie and i went over did she finally calmed down slightly. seriously, i don't like this.
the only thing that made my day was the card from the girls. was really thoughtful of them though i wasn't really that close with them. so, sitting all alone on the bus reading what they said and smiling from it was really just the only good thing today, other than the tiramisu which welt my appetite slightly. i must get the recipe from anne.
things are getting ridunkulous with one gone and the other one going. next week i'm just going to be alone and i can't leave cause its just too irresponsible of me to dump wilson alone to handle a class that's not even his.
and the meeting. the damn meeting! ARGHS.
i shall go drink some iced water. can practically hear blondie go,
"chill chill!"
but nevertheless, i hope you liked your "farewell" gift. you tell me how, next week onwards i will be alone, sitting beside Bitch! zzzzzzzzzzzzz.
and i hope this is a damn ambiguous post cause i really can't help it but to come here and bitch about it!
i'm just going to post this again, cause it really puts a smile on me. what do you do when you see a nice comfy cushion seat?
you run and grab it! that's what i did in macdonalds the other day, while with weisheng and aisyah. and during which i squealed, "GREEEEEEEEEEEEN!" for the green seat. and then as i settled myself comfortably in my seat, the other two idiots were busy fighting over the red seat, making a hell lot of noise with the onlookers in macs staring.
and so i took up my shoe bag and simply hid my face behind it whilst laughing uncontrollably.
and here's the amazing part, we went to get our drinks and i got back late so OBVIOUSLY my green seat was stolen. but the smart me decided to bring my bag and weisheng's fries over to another table.
and this is the part where it gets more interesting. weisheng decided to move over since i was sitting at one of those cushioned seat against the wall, just that it was not as comfy as the big comfy seats, but i guess he did it just so aisyah would have to move over and take the seats that were not against the wall. and there sits aisyah, now alone with her milkshake, vibrating with laughter like some dog infected with rabies, whilst the chinese nerds sitting nearby stared at her like she was some lunatic exhibition.
and now the best part. i grabbed my bag along with weisheng's fries and migrated back onto my green seat. now Aisyah and I sat happily and comfortably in our cushion seats, laughing at weisheng who now sits alone without his fries at the opposite seats on a less cushioned cushion seat.
throughout this whole incident, people were watching and staring, laughing at us laughing at ourselves. i hope the funniness gets carried across properly, since weisheng's stupidity is too much of a high maintenance to be penned down in verbal description. see, being too stupid ain't getting you anywhere.
and the chinese nerds sitting beside us could have just simply gave up their cushion seats for us loh! selfish pigs. study so much don't know what's called basic courtesy. no manners. HAHAHAAH!
i went down for tuition today in a good mood, buying snacks for them, but only to almost cry in front of the kid.
sometimes he behaves and sometimes he would misbehave. today was the day he misbehaved tremendously and god knows why. he was misbehaving the whole time i was trying to get him to do his homework, and finally i got him to do his chinese homework, which was to write lines for some chinese sentences. after dragging for thirty minutes, he only did one page. then he complained that his hand hurt. i told him to just finish another three more lines and we could move on to another subject, but he talked back and kept complaining about his hand hurting. i got angry and hit him with the ruler on his arm. and then he hit me for hitting him.
then he continued to complain that his hand hurts. so i asked him, if he wanted to finish the work, which was still short of another twenty lines and get a fifteen minutes break or finish another two lines before we moved on to science. and he didn't talk to me.
so i moved on to science, and he complained that he had already completed his work. how so when he was supposed to do the entire exercise five and he only did two pages. so i asked him if he wanted to go back to doing chinese and again he ignored me. then i took out his maths homework and asked him to try doing it instead. and again he ignored me. so i took out his chinese homework again and told him that since he doesn't want to do anything else, let's just go back to writing lines. he wrote one line and starting tearing.
then he stood up and tried to run off, so i held him down and wanted to talk to him nicely, asked him what he promised his mother before she went overseas (to study hard cause he failed every single subject in school). he pinched me, hit me, kicked me and tried to step on me. then he ran into his room and locked the door, crying.
the brother and the maid asked him what's wrong and all he said was,
"i want teacher to get out!
i won't go out till teacher get out!"
he told the maid that i stressed him too much, that i made him do too much work at one go. but it was his homework which he delayed for two days already. the maid was really understanding cause all these while she had been helping me talk to him, telling me about her own frustrations when she first started working, and how she understood how i felt. i simply told her that sometimes i look at them and i just feel like saying, maghal cita pero galiakusayo. which means i love you but i hate you in Tagalog.
when i first got this assignment, i was shocked cause the children's grades were very terrible and they misbehaved badly possibly due to the parent's separation and the mother's constant absence. i would go down every lesson and leave feeling so angry because he just wouldn't behave himself and always talked back to me, yet pitying the boys cause they just wanted the attention. and somehow, i got attached to them as much as i was annoyed by them.
they had more than eight tutors before me and none had ever talked to the mother about her children's poor discipline. as a tutor, i can just go, teach and collect the money.
i would have just quit as their tutor. but i really wanted to help them. the older child improved so much cause he knew that if he doesn't help himself, how can i help him. yet the younger boy just never understands that i'm trying to help him.
and hearing him shouting that he wants me to leave, just made me very sad.
i had a long talk with him and gave him fifteen minutes to cool off, and he finally understood that i was just there to guide him and help him with his work, so he gingerly sat down and completed all his work. but at the end of the day, he still refused to say sorry to me. i'm glad actually that he has improved so much, when i first went he never once sat down properly to do my work or listened to me. and he always told me that i can't do this or that to him cause i'm not his god.
of course he doesn't do that anymore, but today it dawned upon me that i suck as a tuition teacher. since he is still poorly behaved.
and not just that, but i suck in my grades as well. i suck with my part-time job and even my aspirations get crushed every saturday. i sucked with relationships. and i sucked even more with my friendships.
my life sucks because i have come into sticky situations time and time again. and today i was told that my name affected my life in a negative way. so, my name sucks and being born with it just means that i was born to suck in life.
i wanted to get my first meal of the day just now, but decided not to. cause i really don't have the appetite.
it sucks to not be appreciated, but it sucks even more knowing that you are not worth appreciation. am i really nice? if i was nice then my life would have been nice.
sorry for such a weird post and for the past few emotional posts as well, but i really just wanted to rant it all out. after all, everything's been dragging for so long and it's getting tiring and nonsensical. and it's just me for having low self-esteem.
if you were to ask me, am i depressed or am i sad. i'm not too sure either. cause being depressed is when nothing matters and being sad is when every matters.
right now, everything matters cause nothing matters anymore. i may give good advises, but i'm not a good adviser of my own life you see.
i was singing while listening to breakthrough on my laptop and my brother suddenly asked,
"your phone ringing?"
lmao. i have had a terrible para-nasal sinus since young so i have this annoyingly heavy nasal influence in my voice hence obviously i would have terrible singing. and he tells me that my singing sounds like a bloody phone ringtone. usually the delusional people would be flamboyantly flattered and all swelled up.
but this is an insult in disguise.
lmao, moving on. i finally got my German Rams! but the breed i got is the Holland Balloon Ram. and yes they look like balloons. it's going to be my second attempt at rearing them since they are very sensitive and shy fish prone to stress, but they seem to be doing alright in the tank. and two of them are already marking territories.
anyways, HIP HIP HURRAY for blondie cause her domestic problems are currently at a full-stop. but still, hope the best goes for your friend. (: i think cancer is disastrous when it's at it's best, but life's unpredictable so what to do.
sighs. now i have to end this post pessimistically.
every secret has it's price, every heartache has it's vengeance.
i believe in karma, not because i'm superstitious or anything, but because retribution revolves around us all the time. sometimes, what we do to others, at some point later in life we would experience it as well. maybe from the same person, maybe not. and it's not a matter of how, but a matter of when.
when you hurt a friend, you have your other friends who turn out to be a mirror image of your past sins.
when you break someone's heart, your heart squirms in the process. and in the days to come, someone else would take your heart away and rip it apart, be it deliberately or unintentionally.
so i'm experiencing my karma right now, experiencing the pain i inflicted upon both of you. but heck, i shall embrace it with a smile.
i know what you are going to ask me, and you should know the answer. i have let go of it twice, that's why i'm really numbed for you right now. so you can continue being persistent, cause it's something that i can't control or stop. but do realize that at the end of the day, you would wind up getting hurt and feeling hurt, and then you would blame me when i have really done nothing at all.
okay, spent the past two days renovating my fish tanks, since it's been almost two years since i set up the tanks, so i decided to take out everything and have a big spring cleaning for them.
this is the bigger tank, in March 2008.
and here you are looking at the same tank, September 2009.
This is the smaller tank, March 2008 as well.
Here's the same tank, September 2009.
i realized that cleaning just one tank makes you feel as though you spring cleaned your own room. the walking to and fro between the toilet and the living room, the scrubbing of the glass walls and the sight of the shit water. classic.
and then the entire tiring process leaves you at an irritably irritated mood.
take going to burger king's for example,
i was waiting in the line behind this lady, like two to three steps away. after she makes payment, she moves backward to keep her purse back into her bag. then she bumps into me and mutters under her breath,
"stand so near for what."
excuse me, who asks you to eat so much fast food that you are too fat for even three steps' worth of space?
"move back so much for what,
ooops, it was only you leaning back slightly.
looks like SOMEBODY's butt got to cut some slacks."
then i guess it's TOO BAD if your ass is just naturally big. zzzz. yes, i'm in a bad mood.
anyways, it seems that aisyah and eugene are having some children's fight on my tagboard. interesting. let's see if they whip out any diaper war. hahaha.
and and, yesterday my tuition kid who is nine years old asks me why he can't call his brother a fuck face. i don't want to go into details, but all along i thought the only bad words he knew were cheebye and asshole, and it appears the brothers don't consider asshole a bad word since it's technically something on the body. so great, now he knows two profanities and one unsightly body organ. and yes, please don't let them find out the meaning of cheebye.
Why is it so hard It was so long ago I don't know where to start Or what to say to you
I've been all alone Needing you by my side But it's not too late Maybe we just needed time
Can we try to let it go If we don't then we'll never know I've tried to break through But you know that it's up to you
They say that time is meant to heal But it still hurts inside I wish that none of this was real Cause we're so far behind
You've been all alone Needing me by your side But it's not too late Maybe we just needed time
Can we try to let it go If we don't then we'll never know I've tried to break through But you know that it's up to you
And you know that our love can grow But this damn river needs to flow I will try to break through But you know that it's up to you
It's time to make a stand Maybe it won't last Or we should take the chance Oh oh oh
Can we try to let it go If we don't then we'll never know I've tried to break through But you know that it's up to you
And I know that our love can grow But this damn river needs to flow I will try to break through But you know that it's up to you
I've tried to break through But you know that it's up to you I've tried to break through But you know that it's up to you...
Sorry if there's any mistakes for the lyrics, typed this out while i was listening to it. Colbie Caillat's voice really sings me down to tears and rips me down to smithereens.
The tune of this song from her new album just keeps running and running over and over again in my mind. my life has come to a point where everything has to do with you.
like i said, it's just retribution. and i'm scared just thinking about accepting the facts.
after talking to blondie i stepped into my kitchen today and realized that i haven't cooked in almost two years. i mean, literally cook and not just the simple home alone dinner.
i used to spend every evening whipping up new dishes from the cook books, writing my own recipes and experimenting different spices to go with different soups. the kitchen was where i was accepted without rejections and heartaches.
during my early secondary school years i would come home to my tiny little kitchen and stew all those tears and endless bullying away. back then, i was still used to being all alone.
i would put my love into kneading the dough and fluffing the egg whites, giving texture to my heart and soul.
my apron would be this painted rainbow of tomato paste and flour, thyme and butter.
my basil would never fail me and walk away, it would always be there on the right side of the shelf, ready whenever i am. so i guess it's about time i retreat back into where i truly belong and stay there.
this whole year my heart has been tumbling down the staircase and it hasn't come to a halt yet, but all i need is a smile. and i guess, i have forgotten how a whiff of peppercorn and paprika would be able to perk me up.
so it's about time i retreated back to my kitchen, and maybe just stay there.
what do you do when you see a nice comfy cushion seat?
you run and grab it! that's what i did in macdonalds the other day, while with weisheng and aisyah. and during which i squealed, "GREEEEEEEEEEEEN!" for the green seat. and then as i settled myself comfortably in my seat, the other two idiots were busy fighting over the red seat, making a hell lot of noise with the onlookers in macs staring.
and so i took up my shoe bag and simply hid my face behind it whilst laughing uncontrollably.
and here's the amazing part, we went to get our drinks and i got back late so OBVIOUSLY my green seat was stolen. but the smart me decided to bring my bag and weisheng's fries over to another table.
and this is the part where it gets more interesting. weisheng decided to move over since i was sitting at one of those cushioned seat against the wall, just that it was not as comfy as the big comfy seats, but i guess he did it just so aisyah would have to move over and take the seats that were not against the wall. and there sits aisyah, now alone with her milkshake, vibrating with laughter like some dog infected with rabies, whilst the chinese nerds sitting nearby stared at her like she was some lunatic exhibition.
and now the best part. i grabbed my bag along with weisheng's fries and migrated back onto my green seat. now Aisyah and I sat happily and comfortably in our cushion seats, laughing at weisheng who now sits alone without his fries at the opposite seats on a less cushioned cushion seat.
throughout this whole incident, people were watching and staring, laughing at us laughing at ourselves. i hope the funniness gets carried across properly, since weisheng's stupidity is too much of a high maintenance to be penned down in verbal description. see, being too stupid ain't getting you anywhere.
and the chinese nerds sitting beside us could have just simply gave up their cushion seats for us loh! selfish pigs. study so much don't know what's called basic courtesy. no manners. HAHAHAAH!
