samedi 27 février 2010 02:08
guess how am i feeling right now.
i am having an outburst of anxiety. so excited that my heart feels claustrophobic in my rib cage. like it's gasping for oxygen and trying to get the hell out of my chest and SCREAM.
no, i am not going crazy.
i am jsut excited. i can't wait, because i have finally ended all my examination in school! and i am starting attachment on monday! and i have ended my final year project! and i can't wait for the end of attachment so that i can graduate! and i can't wait for my results to pop by my mailbox to tell me that i have passed all possible modules!
I SERIOUSLY CANNOT WAIT.
the excitement, the anxiety, the panicking, the fear, the happiness. it's all been stuffed into a pounder and pounded into a mince with a pestle and a mortar.
can i like, cry now? HAHAHA.
it's like one part of my life has finally ended, and that i am embarking on a brand new journey.
but for now, it's tomorrow that's exciting.
morning i shall be packing my books and notes and tables and bags and keeping everything clear of anything academically infused.
afternoon i shall be going down to cousin's office with janice to play some, family games. it's kind of an exposure, so i don't mind.
evening i shall be watching movie with eeeeeeeeeeeeeva! percy jackson~~
and in the night i will be in zouk bobbing my head away!
PARTY PARTY PARTYYYYYYYYYYYY.
Libellés : :), A FOR ALFRED AND ALCOHOL, ALFRED, explosions, we all love idiots
lundi 22 février 2010 03:41
i have been fortunately unfortunate to know about the truth.
unfortunate to be disappointed and upset.
fortunate to know that perhaps, i have a crippled personality, that everyone treats me the same way.
there will never be a day people treat me the way they do because i am Alfred, they will always treat me the way they think Alfred should be treated.Libellés : ALFRED
samedi 20 février 2010 02:57
and so this morning i started preparing the ingredients i needed for making my udang masak lemak nenas tomorrow, meant for serving to the guest my mum invited.
and i never knew that galangal, or blue ginger, can smell so wonderful. it's infused with such a delightful scent of somewhat similar to lemongrass, yet with a touch of refreshing ginger accompanied by a tint of spiciness. it definitely perked me up, as i left the house smelling like galangal.
and after a day out, i came home to prepare the garlic, shallots, dried chilli and lemongrass. pounding everything was really tiring, it was like my heart and soul was in tune with the beats from the pestle and motar. i felt really calm, though sweaty and tired, but truly deep in serenity.
then udang masak lemak nenas better turn out well tomorrow, else i'm going to be pissed with my hard work going down the drain!
but nonetheless, i can't wait for the moment i pour the coconut milk down the pot and the frangrance ZOMG!
Libellés : :), ALFRED, food
jeudi 18 février 2010 03:05
as she set herself comfortably on the surgical chair, watching in anticipation as the doctor applies the scanning gel on her tummy. like a symphony of percussion, her heart beat along in unison with the recurring purr of the ultrasound machine. and as the doctor pointed out on the screen, indicating that the tiny, squirming figure, her heart skipped a beat.
like a pregnant lady meeting her fetus for the very first time via ultrasound scanning, i suppose that's how we all feel when we first stumble upon someone, or something very special.
it's a feeling that we can never really describe, but deep down we know that whatever this feeling is, we know that it's that one incitement factor that makes us want to hold on to this very special someone, or something.
as the child grows older, he/she learns new things and adapts to the environment. that child may grow up to be a mummy's boy or possibly even the psychotic serial killer that you never thought would have been living with all this while.
when your child has erred, will you still love him as he was, when he was an angel?
when your lover has erred, will you still love him like when he still loved only you?
when your friends have erred, will you still trust them like when they still hadn't betrayed you?
somehow or rather, humans are very selfish creatures. even though they stand atop the food chain in the ecosystem, they still yearn for more, for more power, more authority, more respect.
when lying no longer becomes a gentle kind gesture of preventing hurt, when lying has become your soul purpose of attaining personal gain.
if you have lied for your own personal gain, then i suppose i may no longer be able to trust you. because i after all, am nothing but another selfish human just like you.
Libellés : :/, ALFRED, pennies for my thoughts
lundi 1 février 2010 03:16
the human brain is so complicated that, it can't even be simplified into a long torturous set of equations.
i will never be able to understand how one can choose to walk away from people who wants to be close with them.
i will never be able to understand how one can openly hurt his friends' feelings by exclaiming that so and so happens to be the best clique he will ever have.
i will ever more, not be able to understand how one can label the group of friends he was previously close to, as YOUR GROUP and not HIS GROUP.
what goes on in your mind, i seriously can't figure, and i simply do not wish to try any longer.
i suppose my heart and my feelings have been tremendously defeated, as round after round of friends chose to walk away from me. and of which, only one was partially my fault, where as the rest was never my fault.
i spent a really long time, pondering and reflecting, on what i have done wrong, on what i should have done and could have done.
and then it dawned upon me that, this is jsut how it is supposed to be in my life. some people were born with a silver spoon, others were born with nothing to their names.
some people were born to be blessed and well-loved by their friends and family, others were born to work hard in order to sustain even a single bond with anyone.
i'm tired, i'm really very tired.
this has been a really cruel week. an unluckily cruel week. and i thought that with the start of 2010, everything would end. but in actual fact, this was only just a beginning, when all the consequences of what has happened before starts to take form.
