lundi 31 août 2009 04:00
five years ago, i was locked out of my classroom by my classmates.
i managed to force my way back in but much to my dismay, they carried me up and threw me out of the class, and on the floor. that day i came home with a cracked hip and a broken heart.
since then i spent everyday soaking up in the fear of losing friends every time i made new ones. the fear of being alone.
this is one of the reason why poly has become such a disappointment to me. of how everyone sees each other not as a potential friend, but as a potential grade booster. of how when you comment like a bitch you are labeled a bitch immediately and not trusted by everyone else. of how you procrastinate a little more than the rest and you are labeled a slacker immediately and ostracized by everyone else.
i thought about khalisah again, and i wondered why was it that she didn't choose to believe me. was it because i appeared bitchy and procrastinated too much, that i do not possess any other positive attributes? was it because that i never worked hard enough to be a friend for her?
at the end of the long three years, i realized all the choices that i have made were regrets and stupid mistakes caused by hyper-sensitivity.
stupid aisyah ccaused me to emo. HAHAH! nevertheless, movies tomorrow! finally found myself a movie kaki, at long last. screw the needy people who always watch movie with their other half and forget about their own friends.
okay project hiatus is called off cause princess elizabeth loves me too much. HAHA! and blondee's annoyance level on msn got too much to handle.
amazing how two people came into my life so short and abruptly and changed so many things for me. so fine, from now onwards shall call them my secret lover and secret stalker.
so, thanks to my secret lover and secret stalker's annoyinggggggggly induced disturbance, i am back from project hiatus, which lasted a mere few hours. of which i spent sleeping.
i spent the entire day not eating and just sleeping, nowadays i just gag at anything i put in my mouth, unless im really very hungry. why huh, i used to be a bottomless pit.
i guess right now the pit is too full with emotions filled to the rim to have the appetite for anything at all.
but yes, listen to yous. i shall SMILE.
and secret lover, last warning. if you so much as to let your mind wonder off so much again i will ignore you for life okay. though i probably wouldn't bear to do that, but yeah, in the least let me know that you trust me? (:
Libellés : :/, ALFRED, BEST FRIENDS, BLONDIE, emo-shitzssgfsrgwg, khalisah, pennies for my thoughts, photos, Princess Elizabeth
