drunkendoughnuts

three hundred and three

2010-04-21T23:47:00.000+08:00

find me at

the doughnut's new sober solace.

three hundred and two

2010-02-27T02:08:00.002+08:00

guess how am i feeling right now.

i am having an outburst of anxiety. so excited that my heart feels claustrophobic in my rib cage. like it's gasping for oxygen and trying to get the hell out of my chest and SCREAM.

no, i am not going crazy.

i am jsut excited. i can't wait, because i have finally ended all my examination in school! and i am starting attachment on monday! and i have ended my final year project! and i can't wait for the end of attachment so that i can graduate! and i can't wait for my results to pop by my mailbox to tell me that i have passed all possible modules!

I SERIOUSLY CANNOT WAIT.

the excitement, the anxiety, the panicking, the fear, the happiness. it's all been stuffed into a pounder and pounded into a mince with a pestle and a mortar.

can i like, cry now? HAHAHA.

it's like one part of my life has finally ended, and that i am embarking on a brand new journey.

but for now, it's tomorrow that's exciting.

morning i shall be packing my books and notes and tables and bags and keeping everything clear of anything academically infused.

afternoon i shall be going down to cousin's office with janice to play some, family games. it's kind of an exposure, so i don't mind.

evening i shall be watching movie with eeeeeeeeeeeeeva! percy jackson~~

and in the night i will be in zouk bobbing my head away!

PARTY PARTY PARTYYYYYYYYYYYY.

three hundred and one

2010-02-22T03:41:00.003+08:00

i have been fortunately unfortunate to know about the truth.

unfortunate to be disappointed and upset.

fortunate to know that perhaps, i have a crippled personality, that everyone treats me the same way.

there will never be a day people treat me the way they do because i am Alfred, they will always treat me the way they think Alfred should be treated.

three hundred

2010-02-20T02:57:00.002+08:00

and so this morning i started preparing the ingredients i needed for making my udang masak lemak nenas tomorrow, meant for serving to the guest my mum invited.

and i never knew that galangal, or blue ginger, can smell so wonderful. it's infused with such a delightful scent of somewhat similar to lemongrass, yet with a touch of refreshing ginger accompanied by a tint of spiciness. it definitely perked me up, as i left the house smelling like galangal.

and after a day out, i came home to prepare the garlic, shallots, dried chilli and lemongrass. pounding everything was really tiring, it was like my heart and soul was in tune with the beats from the pestle and motar. i felt really calm, though sweaty and tired, but truly deep in serenity.

then udang masak lemak nenas better turn out well tomorrow, else i'm going to be pissed with my hard work going down the drain!

but nonetheless, i can't wait for the moment i pour the coconut milk down the pot and the frangrance ZOMG!

two hundred and ninety nine

2010-02-18T03:05:00.003+08:00

as she set herself comfortably on the surgical chair, watching in anticipation as the doctor applies the scanning gel on her tummy. like a symphony of percussion, her heart beat along in unison with the recurring purr of the ultrasound machine. and as the doctor pointed out on the screen, indicating that the tiny, squirming figure, her heart skipped a beat.

like a pregnant lady meeting her fetus for the very first time via ultrasound scanning, i suppose that's how we all feel when we first stumble upon someone, or something very special.

it's a feeling that we can never really describe, but deep down we know that whatever this feeling is, we know that it's that one incitement factor that makes us want to hold on to this very special someone, or something.

as the child grows older, he/she learns new things and adapts to the environment. that child may grow up to be a mummy's boy or possibly even the psychotic serial killer that you never thought would have been living with all this while.

when your child has erred, will you still love him as he was, when he was an angel?

when your lover has erred, will you still love him like when he still loved only you?

when your friends have erred, will you still trust them like when they still hadn't betrayed you?

somehow or rather, humans are very selfish creatures. even though they stand atop the food chain in the ecosystem, they still yearn for more, for more power, more authority, more respect.

when lying no longer becomes a gentle kind gesture of preventing hurt, when lying has become your soul purpose of attaining personal gain.

if you have lied for your own personal gain, then i suppose i may no longer be able to trust you. because i after all, am nothing but another selfish human just like you.

two hundred and ninety eight

2010-02-01T03:16:00.002+08:00

the human brain is so complicated that, it can't even be simplified into a long torturous set of equations.

i will never be able to understand how one can choose to walk away from people who wants to be close with them.

i will never be able to understand how one can openly hurt his friends' feelings by exclaiming that so and so happens to be the best clique he will ever have.

i will ever more, not be able to understand how one can label the group of friends he was previously close to, as YOUR GROUP and not HIS GROUP.

what goes on in your mind, i seriously can't figure, and i simply do not wish to try any longer.

i suppose my heart and my feelings have been tremendously defeated, as round after round of friends chose to walk away from me. and of which, only one was partially my fault, where as the rest was never my fault.

i spent a really long time, pondering and reflecting, on what i have done wrong, on what i should have done and could have done.

and then it dawned upon me that, this is jsut how it is supposed to be in my life. some people were born with a silver spoon, others were born with nothing to their names.

some people were born to be blessed and well-loved by their friends and family, others were born to work hard in order to sustain even a single bond with anyone.

i'm tired, i'm really very tired.

this has been a really cruel week. an unluckily cruel week. and i thought that with the start of 2010, everything would end. but in actual fact, this was only just a beginning, when all the consequences of what has happened before starts to take form.

two hundred and ninety seven

2010-01-24T01:17:00.003+08:00

i am finally able to rest at home now, with swollen feet and wounded hands. scalded myself again, and pull one of the tendons in the arm, again.

coming to think of it, i have spent nearly one and a half years at waraku to date.

through this eighteen months of working, a lot of things have changed, and a lot of dear friends have been made. it's kind of become like, somewhere i feel almost inseparable with.

somehow or rather, i have beeen rather willing to commit to this company.

i missed the old days when Heeren's outlet just opened, when Shinobu-san, Tomoko-san, and Kiyoe-san were all so kind and patient in their guidance towards me. back then, Heeren was really busy, with all the fun and loving part-timers and asisstant managers.

nowadays the outlet is barely surviving, with very bad sales as compared to before, and with an overwhelming horde of new part-timers, who aren't really fun at all.

i feel so damn tired every weekend, with the new part-timers who give you attitude, who don't commit, who don't give a damn for anything they do. sighs.

everything keeps changing, first shinobu-san and tomoko were transferred, followed by kira's resignation and victor's transfer. and then many others were transferred. here and there change abit, now even david soh is gone. it's become like a 180 degree change.

time waits for no one, time that has passed will never return.

soon, i will have to leave waraku for NS. whether or not i will return after two years, i'm still have mixed feelings about it. because, maybe in two years' time, joey, sishi, yvonne, sili, alvin, won't even be in the company at all. sighs, my dear dear colleagues, you have all become such important friends.

Two hundred and ninety six

2010-01-23T02:46:00.003+08:00

i just felt my tooth hurt.

and then i touched it.

now, a shaky tooth and it feels pain, what can that be? there can only be one reason to that right?!

and of all teeth, it's the one in front?!

HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW. i brush my teeth daily, i'm not so much of a sweet tooth, and i always eat sugar free candy. HOW CAN THIS HAPPEN TO ME?!

i don't wanna wear dentures. please please please, let me be dreaming. :(

two hundred and ninety five

2010-01-18T02:17:00.005+08:00

sometimes when you happen to be a very interesting and fun person, people just can't get enough of you.

they may even go to the extend where they would STALK you, TALK to you everyday, WALK up to you everytime they see you, AND CREEP THE FUCK OUT OF YOU.

the worst is, when they would hang around your social life so much, and want to know about EVERY SINGLE THING that you do, be it today, yesterday, tomorrow, this week, this month. or better yet, this LIFE.

when excessivity turns to obsessivity and then to psychosis.

i do not think i look good, but i supposed i am very fun to be with.

so fun that, you must know what i do, what i didn't do, what i ate, and even just talk to me, at least once a day.

if you need a prostitute, i will help you get one. if you need help, i will get you a counselor. if you are psychotic, i will call up the institute of mental health.

if you are persistent on squeezing your fat ass into my social life, or personal life. no TYVM. you are too big for it, stalker.

why? because you creep the fuck out of me, that's why.

two hundred and ninety four

2010-01-16T01:34:00.003+08:00

before i begin, i would like to say that i do not know who's megan.

in fact, i have no idea what's a glimpse of megan, and i know no megans as well. (unless you count megan fox)

but this photo just reminded me of how i felt like a few hours ago. yes, a few hours ago my entire household's worth of electronics were staging a riot against me like useless retro electronics.

when the television set gives out sounds of the waves at the beach when you are watching an arson scene, when the dvd player shows pixel-ated screens of no matter which movie you try to watch, when the computer gives you hell.

just when i finished all the respective chores and cooked my gorgeous dinner, i had to eat it in stone cold silence. i was one second away from going crazy and smashing the television set, burning my laptop and stamping on the dvd player.

and then the tv switches off on its own. ON ITS OWN.

no, i;m not telling a ghost story, i'm telling you that if you have excess money, PLEASE BUY ME A NEW TELEVISION.

one that doesn't play the sounds of the sea waves when you watch shows like meercat manor.
one that doesn't make women sound like man breaking his voice, again.
one that doesn't switch itself off when you turn it on.
one that gives you hell but doesn't come with that axe you've been wanting to use to hack the tv into smithereens.

i swear i can breathe fire right now.

two hundred and ninety three

2010-01-08T01:28:00.000+08:00

it's the first week of school! and i decided to meet up, you've guessed it, CASSANDRA AND ABIGAIL! :))))

it has been a long time since we all sat together and had a decent meal. i definitely adored the times back when we were year twos, sitting in megabites watching abi gorge down her noodles and having her spit horlicks in my face and cass' food.

one year later and we're all separated from each other due to school, and attachment placings. abi and cass are both now working their asses off for the AVA and LONZA biologics respectively as interns. and cass is kind of living the life with the highest paid attachment allowance available amongst all the interns.

so anyway, we decided to meet up because abi and i still owed cass her birthday present, which we bought LAST YEAR and eventually collected dust at my house because abi silly couldn't decide when she was free enough to meet up. that aside, we had tons of fun just simply having dinner and chittering chattering away like little birds.

we took many photos, but these were the nicest cause most of the other photos had abi's mouth overflowing with food.

and yes dinner did last for quite a while because abi was late.

and you can tell from the above picture that she was really really very tired. so tired that, she kept harping on and on about "EH you'all should be honored cause i rush down straight from work!!!". so without much ado, she started stuffing food into her mouth and posing whilst i had the camera snapping away.

that was when the following dialogue occurred,

Cass: omg abi you damn poser now loh. POSER. keep on posing and posing and posing.

Abi: i where got pose! is he stuff the camera in my face then i got no choice but to pose what! then what you want me to do!?

**an expected rain of particles started flying out from, you should know who's mouth.**

Cass: eeeeeeek! omg lah abi. still as crazy.

oh and did i mention that while trying to get to Waraku Casual Dining at Marina Square's abi called me up and asked,

"Eh! where am i ah? How do i get to you'all???"

so yes, i'm getting her a brain for her birthday this year. just kidding abi! :)

two hundred and ninety two

2010-01-06T23:33:00.000+08:00

yes! it's the first week of the year 2010, and also the week back to my last semester term in school. and for most of whom have still been hanging around my blog, it's my first time blogging in proper since eons ago.

you were to ask if i have had any regrets in the past three years of my polytechnic life, no doubt there were ups and downs, but i do not live to regret. i live to better myself from it all.

and the question everyone's been wanting to know, what happened to me?

i have no idea really, right now, looking back at the past six months, everything's really just a blur.

it's not that i would choose to forget it all or anything, but back then, setbacks came like tsunami waves, crashing me every single time i fell, and no matter how i tried getting back up, i'd still flush down like a sandcastle.

six months before, i was happy. nearly a year back, i thought every single thing in my life was slowly getting back on track. but life always take us by surprise, so the higher my hopes were, the higher i fell.

but all that doesn't matter anymore, does it?

i have definitely changed, i obviously binge drink, hit the clubs additively and went back to smoking. for many, it seems like i have gotten worst, and perhaps screwed up in the eyes of others.

but i am happy where i am right now, with a close-knitted group of friends that honestly, i would still be afraid to lose, but definitely would want to gamble everything that i've got to walk down memory lane together with them.

school's kind of crazy. i'm kind of left with this horrendously empty timetable, with many thanks and gratitude to my dearest Dr. Forday Wayne Lee (note no sarcasm here), who gave me many chances and allowed me to make the most out of my life.

no doubt, i definitely struggled last semester, with one of the most packed and hectic timetable juggling more than three core modules. but it was all for the better to lessen my load in future as well, which is now.

basically i am currently only taking one core module and two sub modules along with my final year project (which is seriously a bitch, but with a doting supervisor i shall let it pass). and the classmates are just, dope. not to forget the year twos from the immunology class as well.

they are of course, a bunch of the most funtastic people who happen to like to disturb the elderly (a.k.a senior cross-streamers). apart from being a whole circus of orang kecoh dan giler satu hari, they brought about a lot of fun and laughter for me,weisheng and petrina.

yeah, in school now it's always the three of us, we even call ourselves the PAWS. (okay before weisheng starts yakking away, it's petrina and i who came up with the name) the orang kecohs refer to us as the three musketeers though.

and yes, did i mention? i'm much more sharpened at my malay language now. ;)

so, as you can see from the pictures, i would be stupid if i were to waste life emo-ing away everyday.

life is short, i should be enjoying, even now.

two hundred and ninety one

2010-01-01T00:38:00.000+08:00

One day, Love and Friendship met.

Love asked, "Why do you still exist if I've already existed?"

Friendship replied, "To wipe away the tears when you left."

Well, i say :

One day, Friendship found Love.

Friendship asked, "Why do you always come after me?"

Love replied, "Because everyone's too blinded by their beliefs such that Love is often subjected to boundaries of gender, cultural, and even personalities.
Because friendship doesn't have to be subjected to perfection like Love."

this was a post that once made my viewership count on my blog rocket from an average of 25 views a day, to 55 views a day.

and in the mood of the new year, i would like to let this post start the year for me. :)

two hundred and eighty six

2009-10-11T14:57:00.005+08:00

as i sat there bored by the sluggish attitude of the boy, as my eyes slowly protested to clamp shut with lethargy, my mind was suddenly perked by the sudden gush of iron tasting liquid in my mouth.

i wasn't sure what to do, but simply walked calmly to the toilet and locked the door. next thing i know, i was staring at a puddle of rich, red spit in the sink. and then there was more, as i spit splatter after splatter for nearly fifteen minutes.

no amount of water from the tap seemed to be able to rid the sickening shade of red that had manifested half of the whiteness in the porcelain sink.

at first i thought i was vomiting blood, amusing myself whilst being shocked that probably the kid had pissed me till my veins burst. and then there was the gushing of the tap, again and again, repeatedly, until the sink no longer glistened in red, until i rinsed my mouth clear of blood.

maybe i hadn't been sleeping enough, maybe the weather's too hot for me to take. i don't know.

or maybe it's because of the recent alcohol binge.

two hundred and eighty five

2009-10-10T05:39:00.002+08:00

just got home from a series of Zirca, Butter Factory and lastly, Zouk Phuture!

:DDD been a helll of a night, but am damn happy and perked up. super glad that kingsley ang got into top three as anticipated as well! he did not disappoint his stylist man! hahahah.

alright, going to sleeeeeep and upload photos and videos later. (((((:

two hundred and eighty four

2009-10-09T04:01:00.005+08:00

indeed, if you asked if i was alright, the obvious answer would be no.

i'm kind of thankful to aisyah, cause for the week she has been discouraging me to drink by calling me siao. and just a few hours ago, she approached me to talk to me about my problems, of which i hadn't addressed to, but did explain about the recent uncontrolled drinking behaviour.

and then she started ogling at man boobs. well, technically it's my fault since i showed her the website of Shine, but yeah, she started drooling as well. don't fake woman, i know your laptop confirm wet.

so then we moved on from the ambiguously spoken matters of the heart to the openly spoken matters of the muscles. and so i suggested that she should jsut go and watch porn. seriously. the way she describes the muscles, it's like she is already having an orgasm on her own.

zzz, oh wellls.

two hundred and eighty three

2009-10-09T00:34:00.002+08:00

because pork and squid was never on your menu.

so we were worlds apart right from the start.

i can't wait to knock myself to senses, to know that it's really not a matter of how it could be us,

but a matter of when i would wake up and stop dreaming.

two hundred and eighty two

2009-10-08T01:38:00.004+08:00

DRINK

DANCE

DON'T THINK

i repeat, i am not a drunkard, i am an ALCOHOLIC. :))))

i admit i may have a drinking problem, but i absolutely don't think that drinking everyday is very crazy, it's not like i make myself drunk as well. i do need company, but everyone's just too busy for me. so i have the good old alcohol.

the rich asses drink a glass of wine a day for good health, so the poor me can opt for a cheaper alternative too, a bottle everyday. :D

so there's more drinking to come, friday and saturday clubbing anddddd monday drinking. can't wait!

by the way, i couldn't update part three to the OKTOBEER FESTIVAL because photos are with nicole. shall update asap. nights people.

two hundred and eighty one

2009-10-07T13:20:00.002+08:00

i'm kind of having butterflies in my stomach right now as i received a message about typhoon Parma hitting the Philippines for a second time tonight, and that singapore will be affected.

and my parents are taking flight tomorrow morning. though they are not going anywhere near the Philippines, but sometimes, these things are hard to predict.

i hope they have a safe flight. keep my fingers crossed.

two hundred and eighty

2009-10-07T01:54:00.000+08:00

so here's the update for the fourth day of working at the OKTOBEER FESTIVAL!

the events of course, not about boring work. the only fun thing about working is that we kept stealing food and beer! hehs. i love ERDINGGGGER! the taste is nice, but i think it's slightly too rich that after a while you get sick of it, especially when you drink it consecutively for four, five days.

so after work, and having only slept three hours after prawning till 6am in the morning the previous night, the crazy me went ahead with my plans of clubbing.

so we went down to the Supperclub for the Rendezvous event, where girls had free entry if they wore bikinis. but apparently, all the girls rather spend some money than to show some skin. poor laveen, who was anticipating for like the entire time about the bikinis, but in the end there was a no-show. boohoo to anti-biginis!

and did i mention that Supperclub is bad? like real bad. the lighting is bright, so you can see everyone's faces. the DJ was bad, playing song by song endlessly, where at one point i was thinking,

"PO PO PO POKERFACE

MUST POKE UNTIL WHEN?"

and the AIR CON IS WEAK. so weak that everyone was slipping and sliding through sweat like we were at some swimming pool, or better still, in the middle of a marathon.

but nevertheless, fun comes from your friends and not your surroundings.

had a lot of fun with Aisyah and her Arty. as well as Weisheng and Laveen.

went down with Nicole and Yiwen as well. but felt real bad cause i was kind of neglecting them. hehs, so i decided to be nice and pay for their entry tickets.

so we clubbed till 4am. with the relentlessly shufflers shuffling their feet through the dancefloor. damn annoying please. i do not understand the rationale behind why we have to make space for a few guys to make squeaky noises on the floor when you can use the space for more people to squeeze in the dancefloor and club like crazy.

and the squeaky noises. if they want to play with rubber ducks, go home to their bath tubs please.

still, as much as i hate shufflers at clubs, i absolutely adore this picture of some unknown stranger. this was nicely taken. photos are of credits to Aisyah by the way.

and did i mention there were aisyah's friends too? this indian guy with a very interesting face. damn interesting. it's like he can act in some comedy and make people laugh without talking. but i guess aisyah's constant snapping of the camera flashes at the dancefloor was rather bizarre to cause some bizarre facial expressions.

as usual, alcohol makes me red easily. not to mention when you sweat so much, you don't know if you are red from the heat or red from the alcohol. but yeah. the gin tonic was so weak. totally couldn't get very high from the drinks as well.

so we decided to take more photos. and laugh at our nonsensical dancing, and also the stupid shufflers who shuffled from left to right, bottom to top. we shifted our dancing spot, but somehow they managed to find us again. all thanks to aisyah, attract so many guys for what. grrr.

and then after clubbing, we went off to chill. during which we found Aisyah's favourite initials. life science students would know this one.

moving on, we had more alcohol, ate halal food. the best maggi goreng in the world, which i shall not tell any of you! hahahah. they are so good, i want to keep their business at an average flow, in case i can't get seats next time.

so, a full twenty four hours passed since i woke up, and i was off to work, for the last day of the OKTOBEER EVENT! to be continued...

and i just realized this, last thursday was Erdinger Beer, followed by Hoegaarden on friday, then gin tonic and hooch on saturday, and then free flow of Erdinger on sunday! :D

monday tuesday wednesday and thursday,

friday saturday saturday to sunday!

party everyday!

two hundred and seventy nine

2009-10-06T03:29:00.001+08:00

i cried over this. in the middle of the night, sounds stupid.

but yeah we are only humans. at the end of the day, we all forget our purest inner selves. we tried to achieve longevity, civilization, materialistic lives. but even animals like dogs and cats harbored stronger emotions than we do.

if the grandmother in this video was a skinny old lady, i would have probably cried throughout the night. i remembered once there was this advertisement about an old lady buying cake for her granddaughter, but she got knocked down by the car in the end. the video was majorly about road safety, but what caught my attention was, the storyline.

at the dining table, my sister and i were left speechless by the advertisement. because when we were young, our maternal grandmother who stayed with us, would always give us a dollar each to buy a cake from the neighbourhood bakery. and she would just simply watch in delight as we ate the cakes in endless smiles and kid happiness.

she died many years back, due to my uncle's idiotic behaviours back then. it was only way after her death, did my uncle finally grew up and learned to be responsible.

this is why i always liked old ladies. i always feel that i could give them the care that i never got to give my grandmother as a young man. although my paternal grandmothers are still alive and well, i don't have to fret over them as they are healthy and in good hands of my cousins. what happened with my maternal grandmother was something tragic and what i couldn't prevent because i was too young and too stupid.

for seven days at her wake, i did not cry. up until the very last second, when her coffin was pushed into the incinerator, and as i saw the flames engulf her before the door fully closed. then i cried like nobody's business.

i hope this video makes you value your grandparents. i never had the chance for mine, cause she no longer stays with me, cooks for me, tells me bedtime stories. sighs, this is why i must stop sleeping late. cause i tend to get sad in the middle of the night. even a video almost must think about my own grandmother.

the other day yiwen told me that sometimes she pities me, because my life is full of tragedies. but actually, i experience what others do as well, just that mine is more packed full of drama.

and luckily, in the dead of the night, i have people like aisyah blabbering away with me about horoscopes, where she spelt,

Pisces for Pieces.

that got me laughing. going to sentosa tomorrow, so i ought to sleep early and go in anticipation!

two hundred and seventy eight

2009-10-06T00:29:00.005+08:00

i have not been home for say, three days?! and i know everyone missed me! including my pornographic stalker eugene.

happy? i mentioned your name! hahaha.

let's see. it's monday today, tuesday right now. i should be updating about the Oktober Beer Festival since it has ended, and also the other fun stuff during the entire weekend. i have been drinking every night, since last thursday. like beer, gin, beer, beer, more beer.

let's start with day three of the festival!

after work, i went off for prawning! like finally. all the things that i have been talking about relentlessly previously with the people that i wanted to go with, even the ice cream buffet, has been accomplished, but not with the same people. oh wells. life takes us all by surprises.

anyway, we were supposed to meet at Bishan's Hai Bin Prawning Park! but they were all LATE. can you believe this? i, for once, was actually the first to reach for a group gathering! and the place was damn crowded! it was like, prawning is the best thing to do in the middle of the night, according to the crowd, that is.

but i got bored. seriously. frankly speaking, i really didn't wanted to go because i knew he would come and bugger me about my schedule, nag and nag and nag like it's my fault. though i'm being irresponsibly childish with regards to work for the first time in my life.

but let's not digress, shall we?

yes, i got bored because i didn't catch anything for like half an hour! so i decided to go for the fish spa. was starting to emo, so despite them all not wanting to go, i still insisted to. :C

but yvonne and jandy were nice enough to tag along! sighs, i still do miss the good old nice people.

so we went for the fish spa! which started to perk me up! was so funny. we were laughing so much and embarrassing ourselves like nutheads! and it was quite ticklish, but after awhile, you'd find it very relaxing, with an occasional touch of giggling.

here's my legs on the right and yvonne's one leg at the bottom. apparently i was the only one curious enough to find out how it feels.

jandy's christmas trees! hahaha. i have always been itching to find out how it feels to do the fish spa, and indeed, it itches and tickles! hahaha.

and what's chilling out without booze?! had hoegaarden, one of my loves. but the price there was rather expensive, eight bucks for a bottle. though reasonable too cause they are like so far out in the middle of god knows where.

and so the short fish spa ended, after having spasms of laughing fits for thirty short minutes, which really felt like an hour or longer cause we were having a lot of fun. endless laughters. :)

and so i went back to check on our lovving couple's progress with the prawning. adelena was good with the rod, being the only one able to catch anything at all. but end up i was so sleepy that i let the catch slip back into the pond! felt damn bad. like they wasted three hours there. hehs.

Jandy-san prawning too!

and yvonne acting stupid as usual. HAHAHA!

and then after most of the group went back,

I CAUGHT MY FIRST PRAWN!

AND IT WAS BIG TOO!

hehs. was damn happy. cause i knew i wouldn't like the entire process unless i caught at least one. so i did, and it was BIG! and that sentence rhymes!

look at my stupid face. so proud of my big prawn somemore.

and i cooked it! along with the other ones we managed to catch later in the morning. hahah!

but was quite sad, cause i had to grill them along. and they squirmed. one tried to walk, the other tried to flip, and they all died. lol.

fresh fresh delicious prawns!

isn't mine big? tell me it's big. HAHA!

but sadly no one wanted to eat, so left me and Eva pigging out on the delicious prawns. you guys should seriously try live fresh prawns. they are so good without any seasoning, that i swear most of you will never touch frozen prawns again!

okay, this post is getting way too long for just one night's worth of fun. so i shall save the rest for tomorrow, about my next forty eight hours without sleep (inclusive of clubbing at SupperClub, fooling around at the Beer Festival!).

but i shall end off with this,

i'm itching to go again!

so PLEASE PLEASE! somebody go to the fish spa and prawning with me!

two hundred and seventy seven

2009-10-02T00:17:00.002+08:00

just came home from the Oktober Beer Festival at Swiss Club! damn cool. :)))

shall update a little about the first two days!

DAY ONE

can you feel it? the excitement of the fun, beer, endless roasted delights, and craze!

we were dress in chef uniforms, complete with the hat! haha. just that our name tags were lousy masking tapes. but it's really damn cool to work there, cause they would collect your uniform daily and launder it for you! the next day we would simply have to collect it from the linen room. this is what i call high class employment.

our jobs? kill people.

hell, no! hahaha. the counter that yiwen and i are standing at, will be the Carving counter. where we slice pork knuckles for the people who come. this event, for your information, is a buffet with a price tag of $80. the german cuisines served, leaves you speeeeechless. and so i was the carver for day two! was doing runner yesterday, where i had to replenish the food. the germans are really hungry people.

so here's a peek at the scene! this was taken at a rather early time, but later into the night when the beer has gotten everyone perked up, people were dancing on the table tops, cruising to the music from the German Band on stage.

the atmosphere was really fun! totally felt like like, you know. those German Country Bar? so that explains the country music too. but it was really fun seeing the people in their traditional dresses and costumes. the ladies were wearing some sort of a lacy corset dress, so you can imagine what the beer promoter ladies were wearing.

and i saw the national bowler! Remy Ong i think.

and yes, did i mention that there was a whole cow in the kitchen area? yes. you didn't read it wrong. there was a WHOLE COW. and how many chefs does it take to roast a whole cow?

TEN. a team of ten chefs were required just to shift the cow, mind you. and they had to fix it to this metal pole.

the main chef examining the cow. making sure that it's seasoned to perfection.

and then, after like one or two hours' worth of fixing the cow onto the stand, they left it suspended above two trays of charcoal, with a motor fixed to the stand so that the cow could rotate and spin whilst hovering over the charcoal!

and no doubt, there was a lot of joke made regarding the pole going into the cow.

and the next morning, VIOLA! a roasted whole cow fresh and ready to be served. and when the chef makes the first cut, i swear that the meat juices really just flowed out of the cow like rain fall. makes you wanna die for just one slice of that juicy tender meat.

DAY TWO

i was working as the carver today! but arrived late, so i didn't manage to get any chef uniform today. but had a nice event tee instead, which i stole. HAHAHA!

before we start work, it's photo taking time!

and then we were busy slicing pork knuckles! it was crazy can. i have never sliced so much meat in my entire life. there were six counters, but the crowd was a whooping two thousand and six hundred strength. so my counter was just jammed packed. and i sliced and sliced till i eventually sliced my own hand. what seemed like a small cut, was actually so deep that blood soaked half my glove in a few minutes! and though it was a bad cut, there was nothing to except put on a plaster and get back to buzzing.

and so jsut now i was in the toilet, i took out the plaster. and the small cut, was actually a chunk of my flesh sliced out. D:

and it's still bleeding. but i've wrapped it up already. and my sore throat is down to a dry cough now by the way!

and and, i saw LAW! zzzz. of all people to meet. i had to run into him. lucky he was at the other counter, so i immediately turned my back on him. HAHA!

oh and what's a beer festival without drinking any beer?! there was Erdinger beer! fresh from german. just look at the colour of the beer, it tastes as good as hoe gaarden, and is ten thousand times better than local beer. and so, once again, i stole one of the beer mugs. HAHAHA!

and there was a Rod Stewart look-alike, Whitney Houston look-alike, and also a Michael Jackson! i wonder how much they earn for looking so similar. the Rod stewart was really Rod Stewarty.

there's still another three more days to the event, but i've heard that the tickets are already fully sold out for the next few days. so i can expect more full house response at the carver's counters if i happen to be doing the carving.

lots of blood, lots of beer, and lots of fun.

two hundred and seventy six

2009-10-01T10:47:00.004+08:00

"but i guess you probably didn't want the friendship"

i guess. once again, assumptions.

do you know why i didn't want to talk? because i wanted to save the friendship. we've talked it through before, and we needed time off so that things could revert back to how it was but you constantly held on, and wouldn't let it go. and are you sure you wanted to salvage the friendship? because after that, how many times have you messaged me telling me you thought of me because of a song.

i can't do this anymore. ironically, the person who tells me that i have hurt her the most, has in fact hurt me more than anyone else have ever did.

even after i have let go, you refuse to let me do so. even after i have decided to start afresh, you constantly reminded me of the old. whaaat do you want me to do?

i asked to be allowed a post of emotional rupture, titled it that "i would bury this in a field of lavenders". all and all was because i jsut wanted to let it out once and for all and then not talk about it anymore. but no, you had to come and comment about it. you had to come and tell me what i shouldn't do or what i am doing wrong.

and then you end off with all the best.

if this is your idea of a cruel joke, you should be laughing now. go ahead, go tell the world what a jerk i am, what an asshole i am. go and tell them that i am the worst guy ever. and while you are at it, please don't reply to this post, or give any more of your comments.

i've had enough.

as of this moment, i want nothing to do with you. so yes, now i feel that once i get my songs back, it's goodbye. and you have only yourself to thank.

this entire year, has been so screwed up, that i still can't believe that it's only october right now. i had lost a handful of friends, shattered my own heart, screwed up a relationship that i initially desired so badly but ruined it all just because i was too weak in the heart.

you have a whole group of friends to console you, but i have no one. after what has happened this year i am afraid of opening up again, afraid of making friends. i'm sick, and i'm really tired, but who's there for me?

maybe you would be hurt after reading this, but just as well, since i'm going to pretend that i do not know your new blog address. just the same as what shiquan did, change your blogs and disappear whilst hiding in a corner reading my blog everyday and then out of the blue send me some messages to i don't know, reprimand me?

aisyah was right, the matters of the heart are too complicated, so complicated that we should leave it alone. i'm never going to fall into another relationship again, and even if i feel like it, i'm going to screw myself up so bad that nobody wants me.

and anyone else reading this, YES I HAVE ISSUES, so live with it.

and yes, aisyah. so now you see. it's not that i want to think about all these, but they jsut keep coming. one after another. till the day i die. till i fucking rot and they would still come.

two hundred and seventy five

2009-10-01T00:41:00.004+08:00

DRUNK AND DANGEROUS!

and now you know, Hyenas do come in GREEN.

See what aisyah is holding? That was the bottle of bombay sapphire that we finished in less than six hours. and note weisheng's cheeky little face. cause you are going to see more of that.

okay, i think the bombay's on the floor now. and the furball at the bottom right corner is actually chiu chern's head.

Things to highlight of that night? Well, weisheng was all over the floor.

and he had difficulty getting up, whilst we all had difficulty straightening our backs from laughing at him.

more of that cheeky face yo, weisheng. but boy were we glad that he finally got up from the floor.

but he was still unstable. but we continued with the camwhoring.

i initially didn't want to put this photo, but i noticed weisheng's face so i jsut had to put it up here. and i seriously don't know what was with that face when he talked to abigail.

and this is a joke man. they were bugging me to take a photo and end up all of them were laughing, with abigail flirting with the panda at one corner.

oh oh and abigail made me stripped so she could take this. HAHA. i was friggin' shivering and she refused to return my shirt.

and they went out for more boooze! but returned with nothing. :((

and when they got back, weisheng was on the floor again.

then abigail continued flirting with the panda. fatin's panda by the way.

more camwhoring..

and the divas were still working that green wall man.

and weisheng was back on the floor, again.

then we decided to leave the room, cause it was stinking of alcohol, as complained by arifin.

i guess, abigail's expression in this picture explains that look on my face.

fooling around more with the blankets. and we even did a three-person lion dance. weisheng called it an ant. and he was the ant head by the way.

and then before we know it, it was already morning and

they found sesame street oscar's long lost brother.

two hundred and seventy four

2009-09-30T00:11:00.003+08:00

i was walking straight, and looking right at my reflection.

walking, walking, walking.

and i knocked into the mirror. we were in fourskins, and the sales associates were laughing at me.

i was so groggy and totally regretted leaving house today, but had to help Kings with preparing for this coming thursday's Mister Singapore event.

now my fever's back and i'm cooking porridge in the middle of the night so that i can eat medicine. :/

and nicole lim qian hui still can bully me.

two hundred and seventy three

2009-09-29T12:03:00.003+08:00

congratulations. my sore throat has officially evolved into some form of illness that mutes me.

can't talk now, and was feeling damn rotten in the morning when i woke up. think i took quite a while to force myself to get up and cook porridge for myself, sadly.

was so unstable when i was cooking, so i kept going off the sit down every time after i added some ingredients. you know, just in case i fall and my face falls flat onto the stove. hahaha.

my fever is down though, but still feels so weak. and sadly no one will be kind enough to get me some food or strepsils. so i would have to get up and go down later.

two hundred and seventy two

2009-09-29T00:53:00.002+08:00

I LOVE JESSIE TOH'S TOES!

HAPPY NINETEENTH JIESI!

and i absolutely did not forget and am not angry with you! hahahaha.

was rather flattered knowing that you were waiting for me to wish you happy birthday! hehs. this friendship has been rather amazing over the years, sharing our everlasting love for green from literature classes back when we were fifteen and till the random meet-ups every now and then!

just to let you know that on this very special day of yours, you gave me a present as well! our friendship. (((: thanks for being there for the many years that we've had, and the many more to come! can't wait to meet up next week.

P.S : i can't wait to attend your wedding you know. that's prolly when "your dog" meets the legendary Alfred in person.

two hundred and seventy one

2009-09-28T22:21:00.005+08:00

and so i spent the night at the school's loft, with a lot of chaos, but here's a little sneak preview of the luxurious place where we stayed at.

and this is why LSCT in ngee ann polytechnic has lousy renovation, since the school invested all it's money in building five star quality hostels.

ROOM ONE

the master bedroom that consists of a double decker bed, and a single bed. with a toilet.

hotel quality toilet, that goes along with hotel quality shower head. speaking of hotels, nostalgic memories of aisyah walking around the hostel when she first came in, blabbering away like some suan ku about the place being like a hotel. =.=

ROOM TWO

smallest room, with two single beds.

annd a funky ceiling. i don't even have these at home.

LIVING ROOM

big enough to be a dance studio, i'm serious okay.

freaking spacious and did i mention that there's an air conditioner in every room?

the kitchen, equipped with a microwave oven, fridge, and dining bar.

the balcony behind the kitchen, with a washing machine.

ROOM THREE

another nice spacious room, equipped with abigail on one of the two single beds.

this was also where we spent our night of chaos in. it looks clean for now, but in the next upcoming post, i shall show you what went on in this room twelve hours before this photo was taken.

and then aisyah asked if i was emo-ing in post two hundred and sixty nine, when i was tipsy and blogging with a head full of grogginess. yes of course, how to not emo when the whole bunch went out to buy booze but returned with nothing.

i was left in the living room with two sleeping babi. for almost an hour. so the emo-ing came inevitably under the effects of the alcohol. hahaha.

let's hope abi sends me the photos soon! want to blog before i official get bedridden, since i'm burning 37 degrees now with an itchy throat. DD:

two hundred and seventy

2009-09-28T10:48:00.001+08:00

jsut got home from the school loft after a whole night of drinking like nobody's business.

brushed my teeth like mad jsut now and had a glass of milk to ease the feeling of rancidity in my stomach. damn comforting.

super uber tired, and shall update this post later when i wake up from a power nap.

but i am so freaking tired that i might go mampos in my sleep. HA!

two hundred and sixty nine

2009-09-28T03:36:00.006+08:00

staying over at the school loft today.

i love aisyah, weisheng, fatin, abigail (abifail). why abifail? cause she fell off the bed twice and she didn't as much as i did.

tipsy from the bombay sapphire, which is 47% alcohol. power right? tipsy still can blog. hahaha.

i hope i get drunk though. want to get crazy and forget everything.

cause right now one person is occupying my mind like crazy, and i don't know what's fucking wrong with me.

i'm almost drunk with my pounding head. gonna drink somemore, cause my mood is happy and sad, period.

two hundred and sixty eight

2009-09-27T01:00:00.003+08:00

minds cafe dude says, "do these cards look the same?"

weisheng replies, "no."

i say, "nope."

AISYAH replies, "about."

no wait, allow me to rephrase that.

AISYAH exclaims, "I'M STUPID."

as you can see, today was a Saturday and i decided to go on a little escaping! hahaha, left early after the girls' lesson. and then went off to meet the crazy idiots. of whom, all were extremely late, despite constant reminders to me, telling me to be on time.

and so, it started off a little irritated, cause i'm always not happy when i have gastric.

and then we got down to Swensen's for the long-awaited ICE CREAM BUFFET! finally, finally able to go for my ice cream buffet since so long ago. so allow me to round up on a couple of stuff that we did.

we complained about a waiter, HAHA. okay fine, i complained about a waiter. and then the manager obviously thought of us as some pesky kids trying to fool around, which i was NOT. the waiter was supposedly the host for the queuing area, in which he had to be fairly polite and refreshing to the customers who are already kept on wait in line. HOWEVER, he was so darn rude and treated us like we were having some lucky draw. so there's a bad first impression of the restaurant already, isn't that poor waitering skills?!

shall not talk about it anymore. then we had a lot of ice cream, wasted a lot of cake and definitely played with the ice cream. talk about REGURGITATING everything, it will take ages. and having a sugar rush results in acting dumb, which explains all my videos of stupidity on facebook, credits to eugene lee zhao hui.

eugene's "ice cream", which i later had fun "blending" into a paste as though i worked at Sweet Talk.

Aisyah's baby food, filled will all that cereal stuff. AND SHE CAN STILL KEEP UP WITH THE COMPLAINING OF BEING FULL.

Weisheng's Princess Darling Dessert. HAHA! looks like cinderella.

and here's mine, the best and most delicious of all cause it's made by ME! lol.

and i stole Eugene's ez-link card by the way. HAAHAHHA! stupid can, drop on the floor and still didn't realized.

and.....we had an ugly doll before we eventually played ugly doll. HHAHAAH!

pffffftt. i look damn retarded. couldn't stop laughing from suggesting the idea that we take a photo with the Dole Pineapple Mascot. so hence, the red and retarded face plus the body that couldn't stand straight.

and and and we helped this old lady who was lost!

directed her to Isetan at Shaw. felt damn nice and accomplished after that. like as though i did something damn good. and i seriously don't mind spending my whole day walking around finding lost old people and helping them find their way. cause, it makes me feel a little bit more like a human. hehs.

moving on.

we went off to MINDS! after eugene decided to PANGSEH.

so we headed off to minds where i had chunks of meat missing off from my hands thanks to aisyah's finger nails. we did a hell lot of dumb stuff there, including playing UGLY DOLLS! damn stupid game.

and the two of them were so dumb that they kept losing and doing forfeits, whilst i just sat back and relaxed.

but nevertheless, i decided to be nice and at the final game that we were playing, i lost and did a dumb forfeit. hahaha. but yeah. was a very very relaxing day despite the tension in the morning and the tension in the week.

damn worth it to spend every saturday like this.

and we would cross paths at the bus stop, but no, you wouldn't even notice me.

the cyan shirt amidst the browns in the crowd, but your eyes only on someone who's long left you.

two hundred and sixty seven

2009-09-24T02:17:00.004+08:00

i can already imagine, bitch telling the girls to strut in with their eight inch heels. and i can start stressing out in cold sweat, praying hard that they do not fall while simply trying to stand up.

it's only in a matter of time before he does that, especially once he's done with ANTM Cycle 13 which by the way, is very interesting. i love Nicole and Rae, and i can't wait for tomorrow when episode four will be out!

speaking of which, the fashion industry has some unfounded obsession with the almost invisible blonde eyebrows. just saw another print from the SLVR Adidas catalogue.

something about having elusive eyebrows seems to attract the weirdos in the industry.

two hundred and sixty six

2009-09-23T23:47:00.003+08:00

i know there are parasites all over our body, and that they are essential to our skin's health and stuff, but to see them take physical form is just disgusting please.

especially in the form of worms.

so i went online and did a research, this is called the Resdung Worm Treatment.

it's supposedly a malaysian traditional folk treatment for sinusitis, otherwise known as nasal sinus, or the nose thing. and the black stuff that the hand is wiping all over the two guys' face is actually ass fluid from cockroaches.

so you put the butt juice of the cockroach on your face and seduce the worms to come out and play.

"and then it starts snowing!"

i went to bathe and scrubbed my face thrice after watching this. so yeah, goosebumps on the loose right now.

two hundred and sixty five

2009-09-23T01:29:00.004+08:00

"what's the name again? katherine hey-girl?"

"katherine heigl, heigl."

"katherine haggle? katherine hey-gal?"

boys acting dumb in front of the girlfriend is kind of dumb sometimes. it's like a sloth trying to tell a joke.

by the way, the show has this hidden message of how everyone has been trying to find that perfect other half all their life and never realized that he/she has always been right beside them all these while.

it's always how we see what we want, the way we want it, how we want it. but when it comes it always takes us by surprise, even when it leaves, we think its the biggest loss ever. cause embedded in our minds, we think that there's nothing else as perfect anymore.

which is cliche, but i like the humor in it all.

and when i got home, i realized that throughout the entire movie, katherine heigl was wearing white most of the time, even her bra and underwear, except for the black dress and the black vibrator underwear, plus the occasional turquoise top.

what's with the excessive amount of white tops and dresses?

anyway, as much as weisheng tries to escape embarrassment from hanging out with me, he just couldn't. especially with the beef maggie goreng incident. shall save him some face by not talking about it, but if you're interested, do ask me. :D

i fell asleep on the bench at the pool today with one leg bent up and the other lying down, so now i have two different shades on my thighs. do not request to see them.

but i'm rather glad it's the holidays now, at least i can do things that make my mind relax. and keep me at ease, as much as i try to avoid certain issues. i know running away is childish and dumb, but i would rather run away then to acknowledge it at all.

two hundred and sixty four

2009-09-22T01:26:00.003+08:00

words are small, so SQUINT.

was talking to weisheng online regarding my meeting up with Eddie Ong Hon tomorrow for project discussion. i purposely typed his name in full so that he would be a busybody and google for his name, hence chance upon this post. i wonder if he would ask me to go swimming then. HAHAHA.

can you seriously find someone dumber than weisheng? like who goes swimming with their lecturers, it would be darn weird. just me, and my lecturer. in our swimwear in the pool, wet.

and what will we be talking about? hmmmm, maybe class attendance.

nevertheless, weisheng is already dumb enough to say,

"JOHNNY DEEP."

so what more can i say? i can't possibly complain anymore. HAHA!

anyway, i think i didn't blog about this so i shall mention this.

last week i went on an escapade. to little miss aisyah's house. and she broke her nail whilst trying to stop me from entering her room.

"so much for buying the pepper dog prata ah,

so you can scratch me like a cat with rabies."

which was funny cause, i don't know. it's just really plain dumb for letting people into your house when it's in a mess, especially when you know that the person's called Alfred.

anyways, Sunday was mum's birthday and so i decided to whip up dinner for the family. food was okay, but i think too long out of the kitchen leaves you rusty and i had a chopped thumb.

HAHA! not really, but i almost chopped my thumb off, if not for my nail lessening the danger. somemore i was chopping really quickly with the ginger.

but fret not, as there's no thumb-less fred. but part of my nail is gone. must start freshening my culinary skills soon.

two hundred and sixty three

2009-09-21T23:42:00.002+08:00

and the crowd looks on with anticipation.

everybody expects you to do something, to do the right thing.

everybody expects you to be someone, to be the right one.

everybody expects you to say something, to say the right thing.

but when all expectations fail, the disappointment is great.

the irony of it all, the irony of expecting something to be what you want it to be, but at the end of the day when you plan to leave it be, things just don't go your way.

life is not all about staging a performance and ending things with a lovely curtsy.

as much as the substance of it all is staged, what goes on stage often happens to take even the actors and actresses by surprise.

and even the way the playwright ends, is so often very much dramatic itself.

two hundred and sixty two

2009-09-21T00:04:00.004+08:00

when you make people the top priority of your life, you take up your own time.

your timetable would be filled up with their life and not yours. and it's kind of stupid to do so as most of the time, you wind up as an option to them.

you would be on the person's list of who to call for borrowing a listening ear, who to call for gaining consolation, who to call for fun and laughter, and many things else.

the thing is, you allow that someone become a definition of something in your life, but on the other hand to them you are simply part of a multiple choice question.

no wonder so many people are adamant on the statement of "friends coming and going like wind".

and friends are wind, even if you breathe them in and try to savor the freshness of it all, you will still have to let it out. be it with a sigh, or a resignation to the facts.

many of you would call me stupid for acknowledging such a fact, but deep down inside, i'm sure all of you just refuse to face the music just like how i would.

that's people, part of a delusion in their own fairytale.

do i continue daydreaming, or maybe it's time to wake up?

two hundred and sixty one

2009-09-20T16:44:00.003+08:00

spent the afternoon with bah zhang today! and i'm sure alot of you would be wondering why bah zhang and not kueh zhang or nonya zhang, but really when she was first born, she was so chubby that bah zhang instantaneously came to my mind.

so with my darling little niece strapped to my belly, there was a whole lot of attention gathered whilst at the mall carrying a baby and walking around. went down to the ATM machine and she snatched my receipt and ate half of it when i was keeping my money.

this girl has attitude man, every time we walked past a certain shop that she is interested in taking a few more glance, she grabs my hand with her tiny little hands and dig in a pinch. and if i continue walking, she would tag at my flesh held hostage in her hand. talk about reversed pedophilia.

after that i took her to my secret hide-out!

"where are we going?"

"climb so high up for what..."

"can we go home now?"

and so we took the lift, and we ran into a couple with their toddler as well. and the mother says to the boy,

"say hello to mei mei!"

and the boy shouts,

"MEI MEI!"

after a while, the mother says,

"say hello to uncle!"

"UNCLE UNCLE UNCLE!"

this is like deja vu, but i think i should prolly get used to it. at least this time i wasn't asked if Merisse was my daughter.

two hundred and fifty nine

2009-09-19T10:12:00.002+08:00

i was planning to blog about this a few days back but just really didn't have the time. HAHA! and seeing that i won't be home today, i better blog about this before i leave house. hehs.

it's kind of sad really, but i was really touched by what i encountered.

i took a cab the other day and the driver was this really nice and polite dude, and amazingly, he was really young as well. somewhere round his mid-twenties?

when i asked about his choice of profession his said,

"cause my mother has cancer,

so i need a job that allows me to go to her any time any where."

as we continued our conversation, he very gingerly says that,

"you know it's the end, the disease itself marks an end.

we just know that the end is in a matter of a time,

but we don't know when."

everyday we live our lives as per normal, we make friends we talk we become closer.

everyday we go home to the same loved ones and indulge in the joy of family.

but everyday we don't tell them how important they are to us.

everyday we make choices, some of us regret while others choose not to look back even though the regret is so strong that it takes away our soul. but really, do we want to die with regrets?

any time, any where.

i can leave the house and the next minute i collapse, maybe because of a car accident or maybe because of a cardiac arrest. the thing is, we are all going to die someday. it's just a matter of when and the matter of how, does it really matter?

if we know we were going to die, in a way it allows us to cherish the people around us whilst we can. if we don't know that we were going to die, will we still cherish the people around us?

the incidents in life often takes us by surprise, but life itself is already a surprise.

two hundred and sixty

2009-09-19T01:22:00.001+08:00

as expected, being the only one left consequences in more "responsibilities".

i would not exactly say that i am being trusted since after all, i'm really just being given the "opportunity" because there's no one else to give it to, but really it only stresses me more.

the problem being that just because i'm the only one left, i'm suddenly thrown off to handle a class on my own. which is, ridunkulous.

and just when things couldn't get bad enough, there is no scapegoat for me to keep to my escape plan.

i told myself that i would get away once another course is over, when wilson has a suitable helper to assist him. but how to now when in the next two courses, i would be considered the most help that he can gather.

i'm really very weak, every week i'm told i'm weak. and now i'm so weak that i can't even firm up to walk right of the place.

i don't have the people to talk to, to rant to about my frustrations, to bitch to about the things that i find idiotic. i don't have the voice that consoles me when i'm hit, to tell me that i'm not alone mentally. and now at the looks of it, i may have to endure a whooping five months of this alone.

well, if i look on the bright side, week one has just ended. a round of applause for that.

two hundred and fifty eight

2009-09-17T18:04:00.002+08:00

okay, i typed a whole chunk of stuff and ended up deleting them.

i felt like explaining myself, but seeing,

"after all, we're just trying to protect ourselves from unnecessary problems and it is our personal issue whether we want to let others know."

i hope you know what this sentence means.

i foresaw your reaction long ago, and indeed this was how things turned out.

either way, i'm glad that things have finally ended and that both of you are smiling now.

two hundred and fifty seven

2009-09-16T20:56:00.004+08:00

don't be fooled people, pimples can never be this cute. and i can never understand why that's supposedly a pimple plushie.

but yes, the annoying pimple has attacked. and this time it's not on the face.

i recall a classmate talking about her pimple on her boobs back when we were in secondary school, and boy was that one ridiculous place to harvest pimples. and no, i do not have a pimple on my boobs and no, i do not have boobs as well. not even man boobs since i look like a sugar cane.

let's not digress, shall we?

and so, in case you were wondering, no i do not have a pimple on my ear lobe, again.

but instead i have this pimple on my scalp.

yes, my scalp. and apparently it gives me poor memory. cause everytime i'm in the showers shampooing my head, i will tell myself,

"i'd better blog about this."

but everytime i step out of the showers, i forget. seems like this pimple enjoys jolting my memory using pain, in the showers.

but no, i'm not wet now neither do i have shampoo on my head. i simply wrote a post-it and pasted it on my laptop screen to remind myself.

let's hope the pimple goes away. in the first place it's ridiculous for it to appear when i shampoo my head more than twice a day. nevermind that.

now, when this pimple is gone, will it leave a scar on my scalp?

two hundred and fifty six

2009-09-16T15:22:00.001+08:00

To kill a mockingbird
Is to silence the song
That seduces you
Why?
Cause you need that desire in your heart to survive
And you need that burning fire in your soul to know
You're still alive
So catch me when I fall
Or did I dive at your delight?

In my heart I can fly
And I cannot disguise my love
There is no time
And I wouldn't know how
Constellations tonight
Are so fiercesomely bright, my love
I have no fear
I am Atticus now

Remember what I lost like hot coals in my hand from days gone by
Like Pandora adored the euphoria as her heart raced
Like love lost you've got to try even in vain
Feels like you'll go insane
But you're hardest instrument that I've ever had to play

[ Noisettes Lyrics are found on www.songlyrics.com ]
In my heart I can fly
And I cannot disguise my love
There is no time
And I wouldn't know how to
Constellations tonight
Are so fiercesomely bright, my love
I have no fear
I am Atticus now

So why don't we fall into the waves?
Can't you see how my heart yearns to misbehave?

In my heart I can fly
And I cannot disguise my love
There is no time to
And I wouldn't know how
Constellations tonight
Are so fiercesomely bright, my love
I have no fear left
Cause I am Atticus now

So why don't we fall into the waves?
Can't you see how my heart yearns to misbehave?

anyways, new play list! hope you guys like it, cause i LOVE it.

HEEE.

two hundred and fifty five

2009-09-15T23:45:00.002+08:00

and so, in an attempt to make sure that my tuition kids go less of the profanity and more of the manners, i told them to talk politely to each other.

and so the older brother told the younger brother,

"Please go and die."

well, you've got to admit that it was polite. and when i look at them, i just think,

"at least i've got something to start off with."

anyways, it's either i spend my evenings or my afternoons looking out at the skies at my hide-out, but it's kind of like a daily hobby now. you would look at the clouds drift by and just come up with some realization of how life should be and should never have been.

i have got my ZEN. hahah.

anyway, i think it was sad of the graduate who died in the school laboratory of Yale. first of all, to be murder one week before your wedding is just, unbelievable. and then to be buried behind the school walls? talk about making sure someone was committed to their work.

but really, i hope the murderer gets apprehended soon.

two hundred and fifty four

2009-09-15T01:56:00.003+08:00

why love someone with sadness and not happiness, even though it's never meant to be? the feeling of when you fall in love, is definitely not sad. and loving someone is definitely not a sad thing either.

when we love someone, we smile naturally just around them and we just want them to be happy. even if it kills us to not be with them, we should be happy because we're in love. because, we will never know when it's going to be the last time we feel like that again. because each time we fall in love, it always always feel special.

after spending two consecutive afternoons sitting alone on the thirtieth floor, i have reached my conclusion.

i've decided to smile and be happy about things. after all, it's really too selfish of me to disappear and go on some "self-discovery journey" when the people around me needs me more than i need myself?

so, i'm going to keep smiling and stay happy and channel this happiness into the sadness of the ones around me. (:

if i want to help people, to bring smiles to the ones i love then obviously i would have to channel more positive energy from myself to do so! if you're sad then you're just going to make things sadder what right?

even th0ugh i know that i'm walking into a dead end for falling for somebody who would never ever be with me, i'm happy just to know that i've fallen in love for that particular person. falling in love is just plain happiness.

so yes, i'm going to stay happy and all smiles so that i can bring back that smile on you even if it's going to be a tough road ahead. in the meantime, i'm going to blog about more nonsensical issues and possibly bring out the smiles in more people through my blondeness. let's start with one,

"Why can't the leopard go into hiding?"

cause they're always spotted!

lame, yes. but it's a start.

so start smiling today people, cause you will never know when's the last time you will get the chance to smile or be happy that you are in love.

so to hell with the screw shit in life, to hell with the disappointments every saturday, cause i'm going to fucking smile and make life more meaningful for others.

it's really only when you're living, that you are alive.

two hundred and fifty three

2009-09-13T17:01:00.008+08:00

and so, i woke up this noon to hear my bloody brother accusing me to my dad about me misplacing the tv remote on HIS OWN BLOODY BED, when i have been in bed all morning.

and i wasn't even home the whole of yesterday so when did i ever watched tv, or even bothered to misplace the remote.

"and excuse me,

my bed is obviously a BETTER SPOT

to misplace the remote if i was last using it."

and then my dad's phone rings. and he went around asking who's phone was it that was ringing. and my blooody hell smart ass brother decided to say it was my phone. and my dad came in to yell at me for not picking up "my phone" when i was smsing with my own phone.

i was pissed. i was annoyed. i didn't sleep the whole night, and i had to lie in bed under the glare of the sun and allow witness to my ears of such dim-witted events.

dialed a handful of numbers on my phone and none of them were free, nor did the rest picked up.

left my asylum of a house on the double before the mad people eventually influenced my insanity. and then i sat at my hiding spot on the thirtieth floor for two hours, staring out at the skies and feeling the wind breeze across my face.

had a hair cut after that and now i'm home for a short twenty minutes to blog and bathe before i get the hell out again.

two hundred and fifty two

2009-09-13T00:01:00.003+08:00

i wish right, that i can fall into a coma right now and wake up when things are finally better for you.

two hundred and fifty one

2009-09-12T22:43:00.002+08:00

today has been a bad day since morning. and when i say bad, i mean badly bad-ish bad kind of bad. so much scoldings and shootings.

and i know i was told to not let it get to me, but STILLLLLLLL. i just don't like the feeling of getting reprimanded for trying to do my job well or trying to sort things out.

grrrr. i'm still damn pissed cause we didn't kept asking you to sort things out for us! Bitch was the one who kept going to you every single time he couldn't handle the problem and ended up i was the one being mentioned and reprimanded. like seriously, if i could i would have had a nice talk with her, but with all due respect it was Bitch who wanted to settle things but couldn't. and i had to become his scapegoat?

and what's wrong with walking away and settling other stuffs since you, Bitch and Aunty are already there talking to her?! if i was to sit there and try to help, does it not contradict your comment of "too many cooks spoil the soup?". and don't forget, it was not until blondie and i went over did she finally calmed down slightly. seriously, i don't like this.

the only thing that made my day was the card from the girls. was really thoughtful of them though i wasn't really that close with them. so, sitting all alone on the bus reading what they said and smiling from it was really just the only good thing today, other than the tiramisu which welt my appetite slightly. i must get the recipe from anne.

things are getting ridunkulous with one gone and the other one going. next week i'm just going to be alone and i can't leave cause its just too irresponsible of me to dump wilson alone to handle a class that's not even his.

and the meeting. the damn meeting! ARGHS.

i shall go drink some iced water. can practically hear blondie go,

"chill chill!"

but nevertheless, i hope you liked your "farewell" gift. you tell me how, next week onwards i will be alone, sitting beside Bitch! zzzzzzzzzzzzz.

and i hope this is a damn ambiguous post cause i really can't help it but to come here and bitch about it!

two hundred and forty two (reloaded)

2009-09-12T01:01:00.002+08:00

i'm just going to post this again, cause it really puts a smile on me.

what do you do when you see a nice comfy cushion seat?

you run and grab it! that's what i did in macdonalds the other day, while with weisheng and aisyah. and during which i squealed, "GREEEEEEEEEEEEN!" for the green seat. and then as i settled myself comfortably in my seat, the other two idiots were busy fighting over the red seat, making a hell lot of noise with the onlookers in macs staring.

and so i took up my shoe bag and simply hid my face behind it whilst laughing uncontrollably.

and here's the amazing part, we went to get our drinks and i got back late so OBVIOUSLY my green seat was stolen. but the smart me decided to bring my bag and weisheng's fries over to another table.

and this is the part where it gets more interesting. weisheng decided to move over since i was sitting at one of those cushioned seat against the wall, just that it was not as comfy as the big comfy seats, but i guess he did it just so aisyah would have to move over and take the seats that were not against the wall. and there sits aisyah, now alone with her milkshake, vibrating with laughter like some dog infected with rabies, whilst the chinese nerds sitting nearby stared at her like she was some lunatic exhibition.

and now the best part. i grabbed my bag along with weisheng's fries and migrated back onto my green seat. now Aisyah and I sat happily and comfortably in our cushion seats, laughing at weisheng who now sits alone without his fries at the opposite seats on a less cushioned cushion seat.

throughout this whole incident, people were watching and staring, laughing at us laughing at ourselves. i hope the funniness gets carried across properly, since weisheng's stupidity is too much of a high maintenance to be penned down in verbal description. see, being too stupid ain't getting you anywhere.

and the chinese nerds sitting beside us could have just simply gave up their cushion seats for us loh! selfish pigs. study so much don't know what's called basic courtesy. no manners. HAHAHAAH!

two hundred and fifty

2009-09-12T00:20:00.004+08:00

i went down for tuition today in a good mood, buying snacks for them, but only to almost cry in front of the kid.

sometimes he behaves and sometimes he would misbehave. today was the day he misbehaved tremendously and god knows why. he was misbehaving the whole time i was trying to get him to do his homework, and finally i got him to do his chinese homework, which was to write lines for some chinese sentences. after dragging for thirty minutes, he only did one page. then he complained that his hand hurt. i told him to just finish another three more lines and we could move on to another subject, but he talked back and kept complaining about his hand hurting. i got angry and hit him with the ruler on his arm. and then he hit me for hitting him.

then he continued to complain that his hand hurts. so i asked him, if he wanted to finish the work, which was still short of another twenty lines and get a fifteen minutes break or finish another two lines before we moved on to science. and he didn't talk to me.

so i moved on to science, and he complained that he had already completed his work. how so when he was supposed to do the entire exercise five and he only did two pages. so i asked him if he wanted to go back to doing chinese and again he ignored me. then i took out his maths homework and asked him to try doing it instead. and again he ignored me. so i took out his chinese homework again and told him that since he doesn't want to do anything else, let's just go back to writing lines. he wrote one line and starting tearing.

then he stood up and tried to run off, so i held him down and wanted to talk to him nicely, asked him what he promised his mother before she went overseas (to study hard cause he failed every single subject in school). he pinched me, hit me, kicked me and tried to step on me. then he ran into his room and locked the door, crying.

the brother and the maid asked him what's wrong and all he said was,

"i want teacher to get out!

i won't go out till teacher get out!"

he told the maid that i stressed him too much, that i made him do too much work at one go. but it was his homework which he delayed for two days already. the maid was really understanding cause all these while she had been helping me talk to him, telling me about her own frustrations when she first started working, and how she understood how i felt. i simply told her that sometimes i look at them and i just feel like saying, maghal cita pero galiakusayo. which means i love you but i hate you in Tagalog.

when i first got this assignment, i was shocked cause the children's grades were very terrible and they misbehaved badly possibly due to the parent's separation and the mother's constant absence. i would go down every lesson and leave feeling so angry because he just wouldn't behave himself and always talked back to me, yet pitying the boys cause they just wanted the attention. and somehow, i got attached to them as much as i was annoyed by them.

they had more than eight tutors before me and none had ever talked to the mother about her children's poor discipline. as a tutor, i can just go, teach and collect the money.

i would have just quit as their tutor. but i really wanted to help them. the older child improved so much cause he knew that if he doesn't help himself, how can i help him. yet the younger boy just never understands that i'm trying to help him.

and hearing him shouting that he wants me to leave, just made me very sad.

i had a long talk with him and gave him fifteen minutes to cool off, and he finally understood that i was just there to guide him and help him with his work, so he gingerly sat down and completed all his work. but at the end of the day, he still refused to say sorry to me. i'm glad actually that he has improved so much, when i first went he never once sat down properly to do my work or listened to me. and he always told me that i can't do this or that to him cause i'm not his god.

of course he doesn't do that anymore, but today it dawned upon me that i suck as a tuition teacher. since he is still poorly behaved.

and not just that, but i suck in my grades as well. i suck with my part-time job and even my aspirations get crushed every saturday. i sucked with relationships. and i sucked even more with my friendships.

my life sucks because i have come into sticky situations time and time again. and today i was told that my name affected my life in a negative way. so, my name sucks and being born with it just means that i was born to suck in life.

i wanted to get my first meal of the day just now, but decided not to. cause i really don't have the appetite.

it sucks to not be appreciated, but it sucks even more knowing that you are not worth appreciation. am i really nice? if i was nice then my life would have been nice.

sorry for such a weird post and for the past few emotional posts as well, but i really just wanted to rant it all out. after all, everything's been dragging for so long and it's getting tiring and nonsensical. and it's just me for having low self-esteem.

if you were to ask me, am i depressed or am i sad. i'm not too sure either. cause being depressed is when nothing matters and being sad is when every matters.

right now, everything matters cause nothing matters anymore. i may give good advises, but i'm not a good adviser of my own life you see.

two hundred and forty nine

2009-09-11T03:00:00.000+08:00

i was singing while listening to breakthrough on my laptop and my brother suddenly asked,

"your phone ringing?"

lmao. i have had a terrible para-nasal sinus since young so i have this annoyingly heavy nasal influence in my voice hence obviously i would have terrible singing. and he tells me that my singing sounds like a bloody phone ringtone. usually the delusional people would be flamboyantly flattered and all swelled up.

but this is an insult in disguise.

lmao, moving on. i finally got my German Rams! but the breed i got is the Holland Balloon Ram. and yes they look like balloons. it's going to be my second attempt at rearing them since they are very sensitive and shy fish prone to stress, but they seem to be doing alright in the tank. and two of them are already marking territories.

anyways, HIP HIP HURRAY for blondie cause her domestic problems are currently at a full-stop. but still, hope the best goes for your friend. (: i think cancer is disastrous when it's at it's best, but life's unpredictable so what to do.

sighs. now i have to end this post pessimistically.

two hundred and forty eight

2009-09-10T17:53:00.000+08:00

every secret has it's price, every heartache has it's vengeance.

i believe in karma, not because i'm superstitious or anything, but because retribution revolves around us all the time. sometimes, what we do to others, at some point later in life we would experience it as well. maybe from the same person, maybe not. and it's not a matter of how, but a matter of when.

when you hurt a friend, you have your other friends who turn out to be a mirror image of your past sins.

when you break someone's heart, your heart squirms in the process. and in the days to come, someone else would take your heart away and rip it apart, be it deliberately or unintentionally.

so i'm experiencing my karma right now, experiencing the pain i inflicted upon both of you. but heck, i shall embrace it with a smile.

i know what you are going to ask me, and you should know the answer. i have let go of it twice, that's why i'm really numbed for you right now. so you can continue being persistent, cause it's something that i can't control or stop. but do realize that at the end of the day, you would wind up getting hurt and feeling hurt, and then you would blame me when i have really done nothing at all.

two hundred and forty seven

2009-09-10T04:50:00.007+08:00

it's another one of those irrationally rash decisions that i have made yet again in life. zzz.

what am i doing, seriously.

this post will be hidden.

two hundred and forty six

2009-09-10T01:07:00.004+08:00

okay, spent the past two days renovating my fish tanks, since it's been almost two years since i set up the tanks, so i decided to take out everything and have a big spring cleaning for them.

this is the bigger tank, in March 2008.

and here you are looking at the same tank, September 2009.

This is the smaller tank, March 2008 as well.

Here's the same tank, September 2009.

i realized that cleaning just one tank makes you feel as though you spring cleaned your own room. the walking to and fro between the toilet and the living room, the scrubbing of the glass walls and the sight of the shit water. classic.

and then the entire tiring process leaves you at an irritably irritated mood.

take going to burger king's for example,

i was waiting in the line behind this lady, like two to three steps away. after she makes payment, she moves backward to keep her purse back into her bag. then she bumps into me and mutters under her breath,

"stand so near for what."

excuse me, who asks you to eat so much fast food that you are too fat for even three steps' worth of space?

"move back so much for what,

ooops, it was only you leaning back slightly.

looks like SOMEBODY's butt got to cut some slacks."

then i guess it's TOO BAD if your ass is just naturally big. zzzz. yes, i'm in a bad mood.

anyways, it seems that aisyah and eugene are having some children's fight on my tagboard. interesting. let's see if they whip out any diaper war. hahaha.

and and, yesterday my tuition kid who is nine years old asks me why he can't call his brother a fuck face. i don't want to go into details, but all along i thought the only bad words he knew were cheebye and asshole, and it appears the brothers don't consider asshole a bad word since it's technically something on the body. so great, now he knows two profanities and one unsightly body organ. and yes, please don't let them find out the meaning of cheebye.

two hundred and forty five

2009-09-09T02:00:00.003+08:00

Why is it so hard
It was so long ago
I don't know where to start
Or what to say to you

I've been all alone
Needing you by my side
But it's not too late
Maybe we just needed time

Can we try to let it go
If we don't then we'll never know
I've tried to break through
But you know that it's up to you

They say that time is meant to heal
But it still hurts inside
I wish that none of this was real
Cause we're so far behind

You've been all alone
Needing me by your side
But it's not too late
Maybe we just needed time

Can we try to let it go
If we don't then we'll never know
I've tried to break through
But you know that it's up to you

And you know that our love can grow
But this damn river needs to flow
I will try to break through
But you know that it's up to you

It's time to make a stand
Maybe it won't last
Or we should take the chance
Oh oh oh

Can we try to let it go
If we don't then we'll never know
I've tried to break through
But you know that it's up to you

And I know that our love can grow
But this damn river needs to flow
I will try to break through
But you know that it's up to you

I've tried to break through
But you know that it's up to you
I've tried to break through
But you know that it's up to you...

Sorry if there's any mistakes for the lyrics, typed this out while i was listening to it. Colbie Caillat's voice really sings me down to tears and rips me down to smithereens.

The tune of this song from her new album just keeps running and running over and over again in my mind. my life has come to a point where everything has to do with you.

like i said, it's just retribution. and i'm scared just thinking about accepting the facts.

two hundred and forty four

2009-09-09T00:35:00.000+08:00

after talking to blondie i stepped into my kitchen today and realized that i haven't cooked in almost two years. i mean, literally cook and not just the simple home alone dinner.

i used to spend every evening whipping up new dishes from the cook books, writing my own recipes and experimenting different spices to go with different soups. the kitchen was where i was accepted without rejections and heartaches.

during my early secondary school years i would come home to my tiny little kitchen and stew all those tears and endless bullying away. back then, i was still used to being all alone.

i would put my love into kneading the dough and fluffing the egg whites, giving texture to my heart and soul.

my apron would be this painted rainbow of tomato paste and flour, thyme and butter.

my basil would never fail me and walk away, it would always be there on the right side of the shelf, ready whenever i am. so i guess it's about time i retreat back into where i truly belong and stay there.

this whole year my heart has been tumbling down the staircase and it hasn't come to a halt yet, but all i need is a smile. and i guess, i have forgotten how a whiff of peppercorn and paprika would be able to perk me up.

so it's about time i retreated back to my kitchen, and maybe just stay there.

two hundred and forty three

2009-09-08T10:12:00.000+08:00

i don't know if i should say sorry, but i guess you should be able to know how i feel through this song's lyrics.

two hundred and forty two

2009-09-08T01:52:00.005+08:00

what do you do when you see a nice comfy cushion seat?

you run and grab it! that's what i did in macdonalds the other day, while with weisheng and aisyah. and during which i squealed, "GREEEEEEEEEEEEN!" for the green seat. and then as i settled myself comfortably in my seat, the other two idiots were busy fighting over the red seat, making a hell lot of noise with the onlookers in macs staring.

and so i took up my shoe bag and simply hid my face behind it whilst laughing uncontrollably.

and here's the amazing part, we went to get our drinks and i got back late so OBVIOUSLY my green seat was stolen. but the smart me decided to bring my bag and weisheng's fries over to another table.

and this is the part where it gets more interesting. weisheng decided to move over since i was sitting at one of those cushioned seat against the wall, just that it was not as comfy as the big comfy seats, but i guess he did it just so aisyah would have to move over and take the seats that were not against the wall. and there sits aisyah, now alone with her milkshake, vibrating with laughter like some dog infected with rabies, whilst the chinese nerds sitting nearby stared at her like she was some lunatic exhibition.

and now the best part. i grabbed my bag along with weisheng's fries and migrated back onto my green seat. now Aisyah and I sat happily and comfortably in our cushion seats, laughing at weisheng who now sits alone without his fries at the opposite seats on a less cushioned cushion seat.

throughout this whole incident, people were watching and staring, laughing at us laughing at ourselves. i hope the funniness gets carried across properly, since weisheng's stupidity is too much of a high maintenance to be penned down in verbal description. see, being too stupid ain't getting you anywhere.

and the chinese nerds sitting beside us could have just simply gave up their cushion seats for us loh! selfish pigs. study so much don't know what's called basic courtesy. no manners. HAHAHAAH!

two hundred and forty one

2009-09-07T20:53:00.004+08:00

does it really matter if we were the leading role on stage? i'm sure that no matter how minute the role we reprise on stage, so long as there's somebody who knows how to appreciate you, it's all that really matters.

What's the point of taking the center stage when there's no audience? or if the audience never really learned how to appreciate you?

we wake up every morning to the smiles of the ones who appreciated us, but with our minds and hearts longing for the appreciation of more, or the attention of one particularly special individual.

and then to the realization of having no such appreciation coming from the ones we pay more attention to, we lose ourselves and go into withdrawal.

the human mind is really weak, at times. too weak.

P.S : you are right, both of us need more time.

two hundred and forty

2009-09-07T05:32:00.001+08:00

I was simply reading it over and over and over again.

there was no story, but just a simple yet hurting truth carried through.

i rather you had ignored me for the entire period than to send me an email. i was not even in the least entitled to lying to myself.

the human mind was genetically in-scripted to instinctively think that we all must die alone, because we were born alone.

i'm not even sure if i meant what i said, but either way, i would have still spent the whole night sleepless.

even the puppy has days when it chooses not to wag its tail.

two hundred and thirty nine

2009-09-07T00:42:00.002+08:00

i went out today and did quite a number of stuff. woke up real early to meet up with my freaks. really loved being around them and missed just talking and hearing all that laughter. had long chats with thm and fooshida! (:

rushed down to the Run Singapore! Marathon, a 5km run round the Formula One track. my stamina has totally dropped quite drastically since i haven't ran in almost a year. but it just felt great to have ran today, just really wanted to outrun my feelings.

Then the LATENESS QUEEN, MISS AISYAH was almost two hours late when i specifically called and told her at 3pm that she had to leave house by 4.45pm and reach City Hall by 5.45pm. YET, she came at 7.15pm. and she insisted on meeting at Iluma when she didn't even know how to get there.

G-Force was definitely adorable and funny as i had anticipated, just that it was kind of like a Transformer kids version type of a spooof. but overall it was great. Had a hell lot of fun after that as well, with Aisyah and Weisheng. Laughing non-stop and acting crazy all over the place. we freaked a number of people out at macdonald's as well. and then i realized one of the people sitting there was Sijie from nanhua. damn damn damn embarrassing.

it's been really long since i was last like this,

laughing uncontrollably

and behaving like a child in public,

embarrassing myself without any sense of shame.

but then when i was on the bus home, again, i couldn't help but let myself drown my eyes. how i wished the bus was empty and i was the only passenger, how i wished for once i was able to let everything out. it has been too tiring lately, way too tiring.

how i wish tomorrow i wake up laughing. how i wish i had a genie or a fairy godmother. how i really truly wish.

anyways, back to talking to jiesi, who's making my goosebumps' goosebumps grow goosebumps this time round. how sweet weiqin can be, how blissfully adorable they are.

and weiqin please stop making jiesi sad! if she's sad then i can't be sad! :(

two hundred and thirty eight

2009-09-05T00:12:00.005+08:00

one day a man found a post-it note on the back of his head.

the man asked, "What's a little fellow doing here?"

the note said, "I've been here all along, reminding you and accompanying you all these while. "

the man puzzled, asked, "you mean you have always been here?"

the note simply replied, "Yes, each and every time you fell in and out of love, i was always here reminding you that you were not alone. but each and every time, you forgot about me."

by Alfred.

i will not let you sink in deeper, alone.

two hundred and thirty seven

2009-09-04T00:16:00.002+08:00

new album, Breakthrough. can't stop listening to it!

wah i just love her voice. it melts me like chocolate.

two hundred and thirty six

2009-09-03T16:25:00.002+08:00

i simply adore UDDERS!

and firstly, it's because jiesi is working there! secondly, they sell alcohol in ice cream!

ice cream makes me happy when i'm sad, and alcohol numbs the pain. so just being entitled to the peace of sitting home with a pint of choya sorbet to myself, i think life's good enough.

truly good enough.

two hundred and thirty five

2009-09-03T00:05:00.003+08:00

and they are back, The Cranberries. the anti-oxidant rich irish band.

you know, the "it's in your hey-ehd, it's in ya hey-ehd, zombey zombey zombey ey ey ey oo oo oo.." song? okay fine the lyrics' "it's in your head, it's in your head, zombie zombie..." but it was a meaningful song even with all that dragging of the voice and sounding desperate. but that's just Dolores' voice doing the job. i like her voice actually, sounds so sad and broken and reminds me of faye wong as well.

the song's about the Northern Ireland riots and stuff, cause i remember the social studies teacher playing it for a subsequent few lessons years ago. so the lyrics are kind of like embedded in my grey matter somewhere.

and so after seven years of disbanding they are back, it's like old people having a band gathering. okay, i think at least it's better than West Life having a reunion fifty years in the future. now that's what i call freaky, which i seriously suspect will happen.

and i bet the fan's are going to be screaming,

"OH MY GOSH!

NICKY BRYNE JUST THREW

HIS DENTURES OFF STAGE!!!"

and then the old ladies go into a "it's mine" and "fuck your hands off" frenzy. lmao.

okay let's not talk about West Life, they bore me, just like their songs. and then my secret lover keeps trying to make me idolize them like the psychopath that he is. ishhh.

i went for my interview today at TYCO electronics! sounds damn stressed for a desk bound telemarketing-similar-type of job. but overall i think i did rather well! especially when i was told to give some situational based answer, and the interviewer gave this "oooh, impressive!" face. HAHAHA! okay maybe im just being shamelessly shameless about my talents, but yeahh hopefully i get the job. CROSS MY FINGERS!!!

mehh.

and and im joining NUS' recreational netball every tuesday! heehee. it's been my dream to be in a mixed netball club. can't wait for next week. but my sports shoes are totally worn out from the standard chartered run last year. D: hope i have money soon to get myslf a new pair!

alright, after sounding so optimistic, time to go emo in a corner. HAAAH!

two hundred and thirty four

2009-09-02T01:03:00.002+08:00

jessie asked me to call her phone cause she forgot where she last left it.

so i dialed her number and waited.

then she picks up and says, "hello. i left it in the toilet."

hahahahah. SILLY JESSIE! STOP BEING SO SILLY! hehs.

anyways 98.7 FM censors Lily Allen's FUCK YOU! why? why censor the best parts? and they replace it with sheeping bah-ing and horse neighing. totally ruined the song when i heard it oveer the radio that day. but i saved it by singing the FUCK YOU parts aloud. now that's what i call a good song. HAHA!

and my appetite's back! slightly. i had MOS burger this afternoon. totally love the iced tea and the clam chowder. im starting to like the iced tea by itself without the milk, since i guess the milk is rather unhealthy. but i really love the black tea.

and then i snuggled in bed the entire afternoon. the weather was seriously good. it just feels so darn good to hide under your blanket and snuggle in all that warmth. would have been better with some tea and a best friend to chat the afternoon away. haha.

there's an interview tomorrow morning and i hope i get the job! hehs.

sorry for such a random post by the way, but i think my mood is getting better.

two hundred and thirty three

2009-08-31T04:00:00.002+08:00

five years ago, i was locked out of my classroom by my classmates.

i managed to force my way back in but much to my dismay, they carried me up and threw me out of the class, and on the floor. that day i came home with a cracked hip and a broken heart.

since then i spent everyday soaking up in the fear of losing friends every time i made new ones. the fear of being alone.

this is one of the reason why poly has become such a disappointment to me. of how everyone sees each other not as a potential friend, but as a potential grade booster. of how when you comment like a bitch you are labeled a bitch immediately and not trusted by everyone else. of how you procrastinate a little more than the rest and you are labeled a slacker immediately and ostracized by everyone else.

i thought about khalisah again, and i wondered why was it that she didn't choose to believe me. was it because i appeared bitchy and procrastinated too much, that i do not possess any other positive attributes? was it because that i never worked hard enough to be a friend for her?

at the end of the long three years, i realized all the choices that i have made were regrets and stupid mistakes caused by hyper-sensitivity.

stupid aisyah ccaused me to emo. HAHAH! nevertheless, movies tomorrow! finally found myself a movie kaki, at long last. screw the needy people who always watch movie with their other half and forget about their own friends.

okay project hiatus is called off cause princess elizabeth loves me too much. HAHA! and blondee's annoyance level on msn got too much to handle.

amazing how two people came into my life so short and abruptly and changed so many things for me. so fine, from now onwards shall call them my secret lover and secret stalker.

so, thanks to my secret lover and secret stalker's annoyinggggggggly induced disturbance, i am back from project hiatus, which lasted a mere few hours. of which i spent sleeping.

i spent the entire day not eating and just sleeping, nowadays i just gag at anything i put in my mouth, unless im really very hungry. why huh, i used to be a bottomless pit.

i guess right now the pit is too full with emotions filled to the rim to have the appetite for anything at all.

but yes, listen to yous. i shall SMILE.

and secret lover, last warning. if you so much as to let your mind wonder off so much again i will ignore you for life okay. though i probably wouldn't bear to do that, but yeah, in the least let me know that you trust me? (:

two hundred and thirty two

2009-08-30T14:55:00.002+08:00

this is what girls like to do, they see things they don't like to see, and they give only pessimistic views of themselves. just like weight.

you would have a girl who looks like skins and bones tell you that she is fat and when you try to talk her out of it she screams "you wouldn't understand!".

the thing is, girls just contradict their actions, they want you to understand but they prevent you from understanding. they tell you they do not long for anything, but frankly they do.

i will be going on a personal soul-searching, self-isolated hiatus. i shall continue to blog but will maintain unreachable via other methods. i am more happy for you than i am sad for myself.

and i shall not mention tags.

two hundred and thirty one

2009-08-28T16:31:00.003+08:00

HALL-LEEE-DAZE!

YOU'VE GOT IT, HERE COMES THE HOLIDAYS! finally, exams are over. finally i would have tons of time to sleep eat and laze all over the place. FINALLY i can go and get my tan back at the pool.

and CINDY MY DAUGHTER, my phone's itching for your call! im ready for KBOX ANYTIME ANYWHERE! i am going to start my final year project next semester, i am going to get myself a new job, i am going to focus on my tuition kids and i am going to do a hell lot of stuffs!

so tell me, how to not love this day?! there would be so much time to do so much stuff that i had always rathered to do than SCHOOOOOOOL! so schooooooooooo shooooooooooooooo!

and right now, im off to town for a night of crazy dinner and movies! PLEASE LET ME HAVE MY APPETITE TONIGHT! just tonight!

and then back home at midnigght for my regular emo-ing session with my all time favourite. :D

two hundred and thirty

2009-08-27T17:21:00.002+08:00

okay, i am not sure if the picture portrays the feelings of being exposed, but it's kind of funny in a dumb way anyway.

so yes, am FEELING A LITTLE EXPOSED.

i feel so naked now, all because of my own stupid mistakes.

scary how things can get rather unpredictable, especially when you least expect it. but i am hoping that no other information had been viewed, yet? mehh.

and i definitely hope i did not implicate anyone. once again, my forte for writing ambiguous shits.

two hundred and twenty nine

2009-08-27T00:02:00.004+08:00

Blondie sent me this :

One day, Love and Friendship met.

Love asked, "Why do you still exist if I've already existed?"

Friendship replied, "To wipe away the tears when you left."

Well, i say :

One day, Friendship found Love.

Friendship asked, "Why do you always come after me?"

Love replied, "Because everyone's too blinded by their beliefs such that Love is often subjected to boundaries of gender, cultural, and even personalities.
Because friendship doesn't have to be subjected to perfection like Love."

We were never blinded by love, because we chose what type of love we wanted.

two hundred and twenty eight

2009-08-26T02:00:00.002+08:00

losing my appetite can be rather disgusting sometimes. just like how i had the weird idea of mixing milk with mixed fruit juices.

i dont know, i can't taste anything anyway and i jjust don't have the craving for anything at all. dinner was my breakfast and also my lunch, and i didn't even eat much either. it's weird knowing that i can feel full before i even touch my three spoons' worth of rice in that tiny bowl. mehhh.

and yes, whilst im typing away im drinking my "milkshake" over here as well. it smells funny, tastes a little like sour milk and is definitely more precipitated than compared to the drink shown. and the bottomline is, i decided to drink this because i was thirsty.

i kind of missed the days back when i laughed at the slightest things, such as laughing at someone laughing. i know, weird and psychotic, but that was pretty much who i was and i probably enjoyed life that way much better.

to grow up can be such a bad thing, especially when you start to have things like infatuation and admiration. erk.

bitter heart, bitter heart.
tries to keep it all inside.

oh my poor bitter heart.

two hundred and twenty seven

2009-08-25T21:09:00.003+08:00

"EXCUSE ME,

BUT YOUR BUTT IS WIPING MY FACE."

was damn annnoyed by the idiot who took his own sweet time climbing up the stairs. if he had moved any slower or had been more engaged in his retarded conversation with his friend, yeahh his butt would have been in my face.

seriously, its either you walk faster or you don't block the entire stairway when your butt is so bloody big. it's like this dude can go make a living or something from simply wiping the windscreens with his butt.

erk. bad day bad day.

from nearly getting my face wiped to having my hairband broken cause i was too nervous during my paper today and to getting a real tough paper. ARGH! zzzz.

VEX VEX VEX VEX VEX VEX VEX VEX VEX VEX.

two hundred and twenty six

2009-08-25T04:00:00.000+08:00

at exactly four in the morning the skies just decided to cry in such melodramatic fashion.

i have been slacking for the entire day until i finally decided to settle down and do some decent studying at about one plus. and it has been me and almost lover on the repeat since. one day i am going to kill you for sending me this song.

as i closed the windows, i can feel the touch of the rain drops on my cheeks, just like how they would kiss the glass panels of the windows.

as the tears wash away the feeling of anxiety and exhaustion, do we all feel that sense of serenity? sometimes its not what keeps our mind clear that gives us peace, sometimes it really is just the way of which we view things that gives us that sense of serenity.

it's funny how we can love someone and seek ultimate possession whilst others are simply contented at heart to know that their loved one is simply happy, even if it tears them apart. but really, it's just how we see the world using our hearts and not just simply our eyes.

right now, i simply have that urge to run out into the rain and smell its tears with my heart.

two hundred and twenty five

2009-08-25T01:30:00.003+08:00

damn cute!

well, it changes the mood for the moment. credits to princess elizabeth.

lmaos.

two hundred and twenty three

2009-08-24T00:12:00.003+08:00

i think the emoing has to stop. its making me more of a dumb blonde day by day.

and im getting more and more listless, and weird.

i turned on my computer earlier on and tried to listen to a song. with the ear piece stuck in my ears no sound came. i tried playing other sources of videos and songs, and still there was no sound. i tuned the volume to the maximum level and still, nothing.

the computer was turned on and off and on and off over and over again. still, nothing.

i was on the verge of panicking, for fear that my laptop has gone spoilt and crazy. and then, i tried unplucking and re-inserting the ear phones. only to realize that,

i wasn't wearing the ear piece that was plucked in to the computer. i was wearing another pair of ear piece.

what is wrong with me. what is wrong with me.

two hundred and twenty two

2009-08-23T13:27:00.002+08:00

it hurts to wallow up in pain and loneliness.

i woke up this morning to a message asking if i was feeling better, thanks so much cause i really needed that.

and in case any of you guys are planning to look for someone to eat supper with, i think you would have to wait for some time before the bottomless pit is back in action.

i have officially lost my appetite for food and i feel nauseated every morning when i wake up and every night before i sleep. plus, i am currently on an unofficial curfew due to the 7th month.

can't wait for exams to end so i can just cuddle up in bed and while away.

two hundred and twenty one

2009-08-22T02:50:00.000+08:00

Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images

You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images

And when you left you kissed my lips
You told me you'd never ever forget these images, no

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy
To walk right in and out of my life?

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
I should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

my answer to your mail is, let me be.

two hundred and twenty

2009-08-21T03:45:00.000+08:00

the human heart can be so protective sometimes. or do we call it pretentious?

i don't think you can call it true love when you can't even afford to bring yourself to trust the other party? was the serpent really more worthy of eve's trust than adam was?

it has been a long 36hours, and i made some decisions in the morning, and now i am further affirmed of my choice.

and i have been shocked by the unexpected. and really, i am at a lost and speechless as much as i try my best to not be disturbed by the knowledge of it all. i am proud of myself for not reacting badly.

and i just recalled that i have my fyp meeting at 10am later. damn it.

two hundred and nineteen

2009-08-20T20:15:00.005+08:00

the time in between when you wait for something that you know will happen, to happen.

it leaves you feeling suspended.

you don't know what will happen, what is going to happen, but you just know that it will happen in a matter of time.

i hate suspense. its what always keep my tipping on my toes, hanging on with an anxiety attack.

unsure, uncertainty, fear.

i am damn scared it will be something damn negative. and i hope it won't be a really bad one if it is negative.

what am i saying. ish.

two hundred and nineteen

2009-08-20T05:48:00.006+08:00

because beauty comes

at the price of imperfection.

is perfection really what everyone pursues? is it something that is so desirable, just like how beauty can be so obsessively sought after?

did i mentioned that i watched UP! ?

well i plan to watch it again. it's really very touching and something different for me to think about. cause, it talks about the one thing that i would hate to have in life. of being all alone when you are old and viviana is really pissing me off acting crazy here in macdonalds.

ANYWAYS, as i was saying.

wait, now she is singing to the national anthem. and she said i sucked. then i told her she fucked. hahah, okay no. just wanted to hurl some profanities cause im damn dead tired.

let's not side track, shall we?

wait, before i continue, i must mention that spending the night in macdonalds studying with a lunatic can make you really very patient.

so back to the topic, yes there was this scene when Fredicksen was about to be sent off to the old folk's home, forced to leave his one and only accompaniment left. sighs.

i am so afraid of being alone and so afraid of being forgotten and left behind. and im not even in my twenties and i already add woes to my life like an old man. but its true. its something that i would gladly avoid. then again, its only when you lose something, do you gain another, just like in the movie.

so damn grateful for the people around me everyday who brightens up my life little by little.

anyways i ABHOR thursday all of a sudden. cause i was planning to be sleeping later in the morning when i was done studying all night, but sadly i still have to move my ass down to the studio for styling.

no wonder i was feeling so vulgar. tsk.

two hundred and eighteen

2009-08-19T22:10:00.008+08:00

until the tears run dry and get replaced by blood.

until the heart stops beating from all that pain.

until the head crumbles from all that reminiscing.

when you stop loving me.

by alfred.

sighs.

today has been full of bad news and bad thoughts and more sadness.

but i was glad i had the day to go by with the company of blondie. let's catch UP! again! to compensate for the front part we missed. hehs.

two hundred and seventeen

2009-08-19T00:25:00.001+08:00

mehhh. I HATE STUDYING!

damn. and i hate it most when the matters of the heart comes into focus. and it always always almost always happen just before exams. i suck.

anyways, jsut got home from passing some stuff to liping. can you please not be so ass next time.

i was so kind to help you print your stuffs and i still personally walked all the way up till your block just to pass to you. and when i asked if we could have met at somewhere around the soccer field, you still can tell me its too far for you. =.=

damn ass. somemore when i reached your house you still made me wait at the void deck just so that you can wear your contaccts and spray your perfume. HAHAHA! KNS! zzz.

okay im done slandering you on my blog.

mehh.

back to studying PROTEOMICS! if not tomorrow syahsyah will slap me.

two hundred and sixteen

2009-08-18T19:49:00.007+08:00

i can't wait for ahtiong.blogspot.com (((:

HAHAHAHAH!

anyways im also here to say,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BLONDEEE!

just enjoy your day no matter what ok?

two hundred and fifteen

2009-08-18T00:07:00.009+08:00

and so the heart ached like how it tried its very best not to.

yet deep down, i know its impossible.

i love you, but in a different way.

two hundred and fourteen

2009-08-16T11:59:00.000+08:00

caught in yet another dilemma.

every saturday can be such a traumatizing experience, yet each and every week i look forward to seeing the people who brightens up my life easily as a whip of that wand you'd see in Harry Potter.

to know if i love or hate my saturdays, i really can't decide.

it can be such a great learning experience, a different kind of an exposure. at the same time, it can be such a heart jolting experience, with all that nerve-wrecking moments.

then again, with the passing of every week, i learn something new, i smile even wider when i see my favourite people. every saturday is no doubt a very rich and enlightening experience. twelve hours spent in the most unique way.

what Ryan did just a day ago, was truly brave, impressive and no doubt strong-minded.

i was blown off my seat, to feel that nonchalance in his tone, and voice.

and what he admitted to was not ethically dishonorable, but simply something that was too futuristic for many to accept. he brought back the true meaning of simplicity.

it puts myself to shame. courage is the one true value that has been long lost in humanity.

"even the most muscular man with the most perfect looks can cower helplessly under the slightest pressure experienced from the eyes of the society."

two hundred and thirteen

2009-08-14T00:20:00.003+08:00

just days ago, i remember seeing the news talk about how Taiwan was struggling with the longest drought they have experienced to date.

today, i see the faces of pain and helplessness filmed in the media. Typhoon Morakot hit Taiwan just like that, and within a mere few days more than 600 people are have been buried alive, thousands were presumably dead, and communications to several rural villages have been cut off.

And the numbers go up as the clock ticks by the second.

i hope that they can get through this. really. i have friends in Tainan, Kaoshuing. And the area has already been hit by the typhoon. its scary how sometimes, life can be as equally fragile as dried clay, dried clay that can easily crumble into powder and set sail in the wind.

its terrifying to know of the news of a man, who lost all his ten family members just because the house collapsed.

its heartbreaking to hear of how two sons searched in desperation for their mother, despite the typhoon ongoing, all in hopes of just wanting to find her remains and hold her for one last time.

as we sit comfortably back in our homes; people are crying their lungs out there, lost and buried in total darkness, thinking and reflecting on their lives as the oxygen runs out. and right now, the storm is moving up towards Japan, Kanto.

Let's hope Typhoon Etau won't be as worst.

two hundred and twelve

2009-08-13T01:17:00.003+08:00

stung by the emo bug.

i spent an hour walking around bukit batok. from toh tuck till burgundy rise and then till bukit batok west and then to the east. all the way until block 130 and then back to block 626 again, before heading home.

Run by Leona Lewis on the repeat in my mp3 all the while. ggoing through my head over and over again.

something is wrong with me, again.

two hundred and eleven

2009-08-11T23:08:00.000+08:00

yes, good bye cruel world! im having an outbreak on my nose. one that die die doesn't want to go away. and one in my nostril, again. and another two each on my left and right cheek. i shall hide myself from the world, for the moment.

good bye cruel world!!!! lmao.

just kidding, my name's not zac efron anyway.

soeaking of which, i saw this real nice video on edmunnd's blog! shall post it up here soon, real soon. HAHAHA!

im wearing my sister's clip now by the way. HAAHAH! my fringe is piercing my eyeballs. oh mmy eyeballs.

okayy i am crapping a little too much, shall go back to trying to study. :/

two hundred and ten

2009-08-11T01:35:00.003+08:00

okay, since i promised not to jack you on my blog, i shall write this one nicely, just for ONCE. hahaha.

went out to meet princess elizabeth in the afternoon, but he was too tired from his NDP guard duty that he took a longer time than usual to arrive. and speaking of which, you should be honoured since i have NEVER waited for anyone for longer than two hours in my entire life. usually if the person is later than one hour i would just simply head home.

but nonetheless, it was a fun day and im sure he will swell at this, but since he really wants me to say this then,

HANNAH HANNAH,

PRINCESS ELIZABETH IS VERY CUTE.
(i wasn't forced to do this.)

goodness gracious me. somebody stab me now. HAHAHAHA! and hey! i survived a blog post without jacking you! so proud of myself.

had a late night call, was both happy yet nervous about the call. and then after which i saw my horoscope for today, where i am not supposed to be engaged in phone conversations where i MUST WATCH WHAT I SAY! O.O and indeed i was in a chatty mood.

die die die die die! mehhhh. i just wish i did not allow any misinterpretations.

two hundred and nine

2009-08-10T00:53:00.002+08:00

i need a sign like that. at least i can put up the sign and lose my mind, go crazy, break free and let loose as and whenever i like.

life has too many ups and downs and sometimes even if you try to think of it as a see-saw ride, it ain't that fun after all.

mehhhhh.

it's time to let go. run. and not look back.

Alfred has to learn to be even more crazy, to learn to smile even when things are not alright.

two hundred and eight

2009-08-09T13:27:00.002+08:00

i nearly died yesterday!

okay, maybe not that serious. but had a close shave with being badly disfigured when the circuit box exploded! so scary right. HAHAHAHA. there was a short circuit fire and then when i wanted to check if the fire was getting worst, the circuit fuse exploded just as i entered the office. freaky. okay lah, but im just exaggerating cause its so dramatic.

and at level ten, they do not have a single fire extinguisher PLUS their fire alarms were not working. bloody dumb you know. i have never seen such poorly equipped fire emergency preventions in any building until yesterday.

oh oh and when i went down to the security counter, the security guards were freaking out like dumb old men not knowing what to do! plus they got their colleague to go up to put out the fire, without a fire extinguisher. =.= and i was like

"OH, IM SORRY,

IS HE GOING TO BE PUTTING OUT THE FIRE

BY BLOWING IT LIKE A CANDLE?"

zzzzz. that's like enough drama and blondness to last me for an entire life time.

had a long-lasting headache throughout the night cause of the carbon monoxide i think. and i had to go for a chalet as well. just got back but my head is still hurting, prolly cause of the lack of sleep as well. mehhh.

caught ORPHAN last night at 1.30am. was expecting some horror flick, but turned out it was a thriller and it was actually quite funny in a way.

i actually did a lot of dummb stuff during the movie too.

For example, when Esther tried seducing her foster father, i literally LOLed. and i mean it. HAHAHAHA!

And then when the Kate gave Esther such a hard kick that Esther's neck broke, i YAYed out loud and the theatre laughed. lmaos.

OH OH! and the part where Esther held a pen knife to her foster brother's penis and threatened to cut it off if he mentioned about what he saw! that was dumb. throughout the entire show i kept thinking it's like some sort of a thriller movie regarding some serial killer just that the characters were all downsized to little kids.

imagine two little girls committing murder, and other stuff like that. totally unethical and funny. i seriously think its funny.

but it is a really very disturbing show, at the same time quite funny. cause the horror parts are like so unexpectingly sadistic that you would not help but laugh really heartily. but i guess it's also because the movie's for sadistic people like me anyway.

still, it's not bad.

two hundred and seven

2009-08-08T00:50:00.003+08:00

uh oh uh oh. i was just reminded of this by my sister and so i decided to blog about it before my brain's memory gets lost somewhere in the pool of grey matter again.

well so anyway, i usually study at the same place, at this huge ass table right in front of the living room's window. and normally there would be this ledge thing right in front of the windows. and so halfway through studying there was this bloody huge thud that nearly caused my heart to jolt all the way out from my chest through my throat and out of my mouth! lmao.

and so as i turned around to take a look, i saw this bird spread out on the ledge of the window, a puddle of blood vomited from it's mouth and it's big fat eyes staring straight up at me. and and and as if it was not freaky enough, there comes this crow appearing from no where and landed right beside the sad pigeon. then the crow looked at me, looked back at the pigeon and simply and gingerly broke its neck and took off with the carcass.

and then the puddle of blood was there for a few weeks before it finally decided to rain.

sad, but oh wells.

anyways look at this!

MJ Flash Mob Dancer Kena Takan For No Standard

Singaporeans can be really dumb sometimes. i mean, i think she did a pretty good job out there you know, to dance in public, to start the ball rolling for the entire performance as well, i think it's really very brave of her.

"oh i'm sorry she did such a lousy job but i don't think

i recall seeing you dance in public either, have i?"

ayee, seriously, if they want to talk so much they should go and set a better example than complain non-stop. but i think it will be high time that they are probably going to sprain their backs or something plus end up as a bigger joke. and and there was this guy who commented on how a particular guy looked lost behind the lead dancer cause she missed her step (or did she?)

but hello, it's a flash mob, it's where everyone join the dance regardless of whether if they know the actual steps? and and i bet people would be even more lost if the guy who commented tried to lead anyway. HAHAHA! imagine he sprains his back and everyone follows suit. dumb.

okay my computer is playing some weird ass music for no apparent reasons and i have closed and re-opened all my existing windows and it's still playing! plus it's some really weird ass music. damn freaky but it has stopped already.

just that it didn't stop before i got this even freakier message from our all time favourite byl-princess.

"haha beauty my foot. you are nocturnal. i then beauty sleep haha. Beautiful me."

seriously leh, in the middle of the night, plus if i was really enjoying my beauty sleep and i saw this, i don't think i can sleep with ease for the rest of the night. and TYVM for being so blonde to send this message while i am still blogging! AHAHHAHAAH! you can go be blondie number two huh.

ok nights.

two hundred and seven

2009-08-07T00:17:00.000+08:00

REDCLAW CRAYFISH.

these would be what i will be what i will be taking care of when september starts. i shall be cleaning their shit, wiping their asses, maybe measuring them and not to forget feeding them.

yes yes, i have gotten my FINAL YEAR PROJECT TOPIC! ((((:

finally, the much anticipated project is here! finally i will be able to be like a year three! :D this is damn exciting!!

anyways...

i have had my resignation letter typed out. and printed out. i am just contemplating whether if i should send it in. truth is, i am really sick of Waraku. i know this is not like me, to give up on a job and be irresponsible. but over time the management has really made me sick and tired of working. the past four years working in different places, it's really the first time i feel like i am not being appreciateed as a staff. Waraku Holdings has given me one of the, no wait, THE most unfavourable working experiences. period.

mehhhh.

to the left, to the left. it's not like the escalator is some can and everyone's trying to be the sardines. but i really admire SIM for their students' culture with the escalator courtesy, seemingly wired into their brains or something. they really keep to the left and usually the ones who don't are from ngee ann. which is so embarrassing since im also from ngee ann, just that im usually rushing my way up the escalator than to just simply stand there and pretend that my butt's damn big.

"excuse me, but i think you should shift your butt to the left."

lol. but really, i don't understand why people really just like to stand there and block the way. it's the same for the MRTs and the lifts, where the people die die refuse to move so that others can get out first. will it really kill you to move your asses?

and coouples. they like to pretend that they are one when they are doing that hugging thing or kissing thing. but seriously, your butts are equally big even when you try to have them combined. or maybe they have a coin slot somewhere...like i have to slot in a 20 cent coin so that they will open their gateway or something.

two hundred and six

2009-08-06T00:27:00.006+08:00

here's a link for you online shoppaholics out there! this link will be up under the "etc" tabs. and no, im not some crazy fan of shopping online! hahaha, just helping blondie advertise for her cousin. LOL. but i did the link's picture by myself okay! so pro right? i know i know.

anyways, all my life i have been so proud of being able to shoot horrible comments and bitchy lines at people so well that it seemed as though i was born to do it. it was the one skill i acquired when i used to work in retail. but today, i have met my match.

6th August 2009, Timothy Lee has managed to subdue that mouth of mine and keep me speechless. i simply can't believe that when i was saying him with my demeaning comments, he manged to rebutt and shut me up! my life is over.

what is the meaning of this, with someone who is able to seal my mouth. i shall go kill myself. HAHAHA!

mehhh.

okay let's see if i have anymore bullshit to talk about. hmmms, i am currently eating shaker fries! shake shake, shake shake you shake it! the seasonal goodie snack that makes you love licking your fingers after eating. nice! but damn salty. aiyah who cares, im gonna turn bald anyway. isshh.

oh oh! i was talking to blondie just now about skinny girls. i think it's scary for girls to be skinny, like wayyyyy skinny. it would seem like any freak accident can happen where she can simply stab me to death. and if i bring her to the bowling alley, i must be really careful and tell her,

"i think you better stay away from the alleys

in case the ball hits you and you scramble into pieces

more dramatically than the bowling pints."

so yeah, a little more flesh is better. sometimes it's just weird how certain girls can keep ranting on and on and non-stop about how fat they are, when they aren't! plus, think of it this way, would you want to have sex with your boyfriend and end up stabbing him to death with your fingers and elbows?

so girls, please don't go starving, cause it ain't pretty anyway. oh but that doesn't mean you can be extremely overweight. im sure no one would want to suffocate and crush their boyfriend when they make out or something.

two hundred and five

2009-08-04T08:30:00.000+08:00

princess elizabeth: i can start digging my grave now

princess elizabeth: help me dig

alfred: huhhh

princess elizabeth: my body very long must dig more

alfred: HAHAHA! OMG!

alfred: stupid. i must quote this.

and indeed i quoted.

anyways, i found this! new pineapple tea by POKKA. not bad not bad, quite exotic.the bottle is greeeen and there's this interesting taste somemore. i think pokka is damn pro to come up with so many different flavours. exotic ones somemore. nice.

i am trying to find this application thing that i can install on my blog. then i can read the daily horoscope everyday at my blog. cool right? then i won't have to read the papers everyday.

my mother just asked me the same question for the fifteenth time. damn ass. but then, i didn't get angry because i was reminded of this video.

its not say really very sad, but it does make me re-think about what my mother has done for me over the years. and i am glad that we have never really majorly bickered except that one time six years ago. and as much as i talk like an ass to her, we both enjoy this kind of an ass talk very much, since she talks to me like even more of an ass. i love my mum! HAHAHA! so gay.

okay bye.

one hundred and twenty four

2009-08-03T02:51:00.001+08:00

i see tables and chairs aligned in the old school style.

the table tops adorned with liquid paper and coloured ink, while piles and piles of books lay in assemblage by the sides of the seats.

baby photos embellished the once tattered and boring noticeboards.

i can feel myself sitting right there once again, among all the chatter and laughter.

i really miss you guys. two years of my life that i spent with my everyday facing each and every one of them. they were like another family to me, my long lost childhood siblings that i have once again come across to embrace and cherish.

i would give anything for time to take a reverse in turn, to bring me back, even for just a split second, to go back to the year 2006 when the hamster scurried across the classroom floor.

i want to be naive and care-free again. i wish to wake up every morning excited and breathless, to be on my way to school and think of all the fun that we will be having for yet another day though having to wear that hideous and hateful uniform.

it would be such task, to put everything into words, of how drastically my life has been transformed and impacted by every one of you.

a game of blind mice would never be the same again, without regina's monstrous screams and jessie's silly laughter. sitting in class would be a different thing cause you will never hear wenrui and qiqi blabber away loudly at the back of the class in a world of their own, regardless of whoever the teacher is.

it would be so hard to sit down and gossip with another group of friends when all the excitement and laughter seemed to have been frozen in time when we sat down in the canteens and listened to yiting's scandals and laughed at qiqi's buttinsky face.

being the cleanliness leader would never be the same elsewhere, because it would not become one of the reasons i wind up being good friends with tayhuimin and siokxin. (:

ffunny how melissa used to be such a tyrant to me, throwing all the possible threats that she can hurl at me just to keep me under control.
"shut up or i'll box you."
"keep quiet or i'll poke your eye!"
"Alfred stop it or i'lll box you!"

sometimes moving on and growing up isn't such a good thing really. everytime we meet up now, you guys talk about universities and people that i have never heard of. i can't help but feel as though i am lagging behind, really badly.but that's jsut selfish to keep holding on to something that will never be again.

you guys, school's starting soon for you all so good luck with university and study hard! (:

P.S: i am no EMOKING.

two hundred and four

2009-08-02T19:02:00.002+08:00

i initially thought of setting up a new blog and leaving this one behind. planned to simply announce that i have moved and tell you guys to simply ask me for the new link.

but, there has been too much memories, good or bad written in this blog. and i just find that, what's the point of leaving it all behind as a reminder or memory, when you can embrace it and move on from the same place.

and so, after painstakingly editing and typing and saving and uploading and squinting and thinking and feeling frustrated at times for five full hours, i am done. a new skin, slightly edited from the original. and i am so proud of myself. HAHA! especially cause i haven't changed my blogskin since eons ago.

and the addition of a new playlist, all songs by pixie lott. think she's my new favourite talent for the moment, cause i never thought poker face could actually be so emotional.

i love my saturdays sometimes, it's funny, crazy, bizarre and unpredictable. so far, so good. and yesterday's was probably one of the more crazy days.

anyway, stupid nicole LQH gave me a heart attack. i totally forgot about her going overseas when she is STILL under her H1N1 mc. kept calling her and her phone was switched off. i nearly thought that the worst had happened to her. freaked me out for a couple of days until i called edwin to double check. stupid woman, if you get back and you see this, prepare to die a horrible death. (:

exams are coming in two weeks' time! excluding the study week of course, need to freak myself out more sometimes. especially when i am still feeling so relaxed and mehhing about. missed a twosix outing yesterday, sadly, but hopefully they would organize another outing soon enough!

anyways, im off to buy some baby stuff for merisse!

i have deleted you from facebook, just like how you chose to eradicate me from your list of friends. good luck with you life, being lost and unknown with what you want from the people around you. good bye.

two hundred and three

2009-07-31T02:28:00.006+08:00

was sending songs online to princess elizabeth the other day.

Fuck You by Lily Allen

elizabeth: eh the previous song is to scold me one or is it really just a song?

YOU THINK?! himbo leh. HAHAHAHAH!

anyways, let's talk about smarter topics.

i have survived my week of ASSIGNMENTS! though im still owing my 2000000000000000word essay for cancer biomarkers, but overall the other stuffs are all DONE! D-O-N-E!

i am so proud of myself. P-R-O-U-D!

and and and i have also recovered from my cold-turned-fever-turned-flu-turned-migraine. which is good, because i feel so much better now and i can also get to carry my fatty niece! :D

and of course, with many thanks to BLONDIE, i managed to do quite well for my CLONES presentation. and i am so proud of my slides that i want to present it again and again and again and again. the ethical dilemma of clones! so interesting yet annoying. ishh.

okay, i have decided! i am going to save up for that ZARA JACKET I SAW! :( one two nine says the price tag, but i shall try! as hard as i can.

anyway, nicole is down with a possible H1N1 and it sounds rather serious, so having just recovered from influenza, i shall cross my fingers for you! and hopee she gets well like asap, so unlike her to be sick. :(

and, here's a picture of ngee ann's very own superman!