if you don't like something, change it.
if you can't change it, change your attitude.
jeudi 1 octobre 2009 10:47
"but i guess you probably didn't want the friendship"
i guess. once again, assumptions.
do you know why i didn't want to talk? because i wanted to save the friendship. we've talked it through before, and we needed time off so that things could revert back to how it was but you constantly held on, and wouldn't let it go. and are you sure you wanted to salvage the friendship? because after that, how many times have you messaged me telling me you thought of me because of a song.
i can't do this anymore. ironically, the person who tells me that i have hurt her the most, has in fact hurt me more than anyone else have ever did.
even after i have let go, you refuse to let me do so. even after i have decided to start afresh, you constantly reminded me of the old. whaaat do you want me to do?
i asked to be allowed a post of emotional rupture, titled it that "i would bury this in a field of lavenders". all and all was because i jsut wanted to let it out once and for all and then not talk about it anymore. but no, you had to come and comment about it. you had to come and tell me what i shouldn't do or what i am doing wrong.
and then you end off with all the best.
if this is your idea of a cruel joke, you should be laughing now. go ahead, go tell the world what a jerk i am, what an asshole i am. go and tell them that i am the worst guy ever. and while you are at it, please don't reply to this post, or give any more of your comments.
i've had enough.
as of this moment, i want nothing to do with you. so yes, now i feel that once i get my songs back, it's goodbye. and you have only yourself to thank.
this entire year, has been so screwed up, that i still can't believe that it's only october right now. i had lost a handful of friends, shattered my own heart, screwed up a relationship that i initially desired so badly but ruined it all just because i was too weak in the heart.
you have a whole group of friends to console you, but i have no one. after what has happened this year i am afraid of opening up again, afraid of making friends. i'm sick, and i'm really tired, but who's there for me?
maybe you would be hurt after reading this, but just as well, since i'm going to pretend that i do not know your new blog address. just the same as what shiquan did, change your blogs and disappear whilst hiding in a corner reading my blog everyday and then out of the blue send me some messages to i don't know, reprimand me?
aisyah was right, the matters of the heart are too complicated, so complicated that we should leave it alone. i'm never going to fall into another relationship again, and even if i feel like it, i'm going to screw myself up so bad that nobody wants me.
and anyone else reading this, YES I HAVE ISSUES, so live with it.
and yes, aisyah. so now you see. it's not that i want to think about all these, but they jsut keep coming. one after another. till the day i die. till i fucking rot and they would still come.
